You Don’t Need to Attract Your Ex Back | Myth of Friend Zone with Ex

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Hey there. This is Clay. And today we’re going to be talking about
the first of the five critical kind of pivots or moves you need to make in order to really
get your ex back without all of the struggling and all of the work that maybe you put in
until now. Maybe it seemed like you needed to put in
until now. And again this is going to be a series of
videos. Right now I’m thinking it’s going to be about
five videos but we’ll kind of see how this plays out. So this will be the first one and this first
one is really about re-attracting your ex and how that’s really not what you need to
be doing for real results in trying to get back together with them. Now I know a lot of people out there probably
weren’t that makes that I need I definitely need to retract my ex but I’m here to tell
you that that is not the case and the reason for that is because your ex already. Thinks that you are attractive. Otherwise they wouldn’t have gotten together
with you in the first place right. And so it’s really kind of pointless to try
and re-attract them. Really it’s not attraction that’s the problem. Attraction is already there. It’s like trying to make the sun rise in the
morning. You know you can try all you want you can. You can wake up at A.M. do your like good
old magic sunrise dance or something like that. And you know lo and behold the sun comes up
a couple of hours later right. So it must have worked. Right. But here’s the secret. The sun would have come up whether you did
your magic a little Sundance or not. And it’s exactly the same way with trying
to re-attract your ex. You don’t need to do it because your ex already
thinks you’re attractive. Trying to retract your ex is really just a
waste of time and a waste of energy because just like the sun will already come up in
the morning without you having to do anything. Your ex already thinks that you’re attractive
without you having to do anything. Now here is why you may be experiencing a
little bit of difficulty with getting back together with them even though they think
you’re attractive. The problem isn’t attraction. The problem is that negative emotions have
come in between the two of you. OK. So again there’s already this natural attraction
flowing between the two of you but it’s getting disrupted by negative emotions. OK. There are these negative emotions brought
on by the history between the two of you. You know I don’t know the specifics of your
situation but you know there’s probably a lot of hurt feelings a lot of trust issues
a lot of feelings of betrayal maybe feelings of you know like like you just didn’t live
up to your end of the things where they live their end of things or something like that
but they’re just these negative emotions that prevent that attraction is already there from
running its course. And so instead of trying to focus on re-attracting
your ex which again is a total waste of time. What I’m recommending that you do if you want
to really make this whole getting back together thing a whole lot easier is not to focus on
attracting your ex but instead to focus on clearing out those negative emotions. OK. Now what this means is that you do not have
to worry about trying to be the alpha male. You do not have to worry about trying to be
high status. You don’t have to worry about making your
ex jealous or you know putting on like sexy clothes or anything to seduce them or anything
like that again. That is all misplaced energy. You do not need to focus on that because your
ex are as attracted to you. Well you need to do is need to focus on clearing
out the negative emotions between the two of you OK. And the best way to do this is to really focus
on relational skills that will help your ex feel able to open up around you feel like
they can trust you more feel like they can really be themselves more around to be honest
with you more and when that happens negative emotions will just sort of break up and disappear. And the attraction that’s already there can
run its course and bring the two of you together kind of makes sense when you think about it
right and. OK so so OK how do you actually do. How do you learn these relational skills. Well there are a whole lot of them but it
really boils down to three specific ones. These are the three ones that we really talk
about inside of the ex solution program. Now these are these are like these aren’t
just like things that you can kind of like flip through. OK cool. I got that. I’m ready to go now. You know you can’t just kind of learn it in
one second and then apply. It’s kind of something you have to really
cultivate within yourself. These are these are skills you know these
aren’t like what old tactics these are like all skills that you build up over time. Just just you know like carpentry is a skill. Being able to make some beautiful piece of
wood work is a skill it’s not something you can just kind of roll out of bed one day turn
on your you know table saw and make a masterpiece of woodwork. You just can’t do that you need to practice
it and refine it over time. And that is why we really recommend you practice
the relational skills that we give you in the active no contact section of the solution
program. That’s one reason why we really try to encourage
you to focus on cultivating those during that active no contact phase. That’s why I really want you to do that. You know we help you by really mastering these
skills in sort of low risk situations like with your friends with your co-workers and
stuff like that. And that would kind of help you ratchet up
the sort of stakes in the situation. So you know goes my friends and co-workers
to other people to get to eventually using it with your ex because you know it’s like
it’s like a new skill if if you if you try to use it going into a high stakes high stressful
situation like like meeting up with your ex for the first time or something like that
it’s going to be really taught is going to be really tough. It’s going be hard to you that’s going to
be hard to really wield that tool properly. So we really want you to focus in the beginning
on doing it in sort of low stakes situations with friends co-workers just you know yourself
in your own life so that you can really cultivate these skills and have them down solid when
you need them so that you can clear out those negative emotions so that you can have better
interactions with your ex. So the attraction that you already know that
you already feel in your heart is there between the two of you can run its natural course. You know suddenly it’s like it’s like if you
imagine all of the negative emotions that are between you and ex is like this big balloon
that’s filled up with all these negative emotions you know it’s like. Using these skills mastering the skill is
like letting out all of that air inside of that balance would just kind of deflates goes
away calms down and suddenly it’s not as big imposing a thing anymore as just this flat
little. You know empty thing and you can just easily
bypass it. It’s not a big obstacle it’s just deflated
it’s flat and suddenly boom you can just go on to the next phase. The retraction happened on its own and before
you know it you and your ex were back together again. So again if this is something that you want
to learn if you’d like to learn more about these three relational skill sets that you
can start to take in your life and start to apply to help you clear out the negative emotions
between you and your ex so that the two of you can come back together again. I really want you to consider joining the
ex solution program. But you know whether or not you decide to
do this I really want you to make a choice choose today whether or not you are going
to continue to go down the road of trying to re attract your ex trying to do things
that are kind of a waste of time really doing things that really are not going to really
help you get towards where you want to go it’s really just like spinning your wheels
in the mud or I want you to decide if you’re going to focus on the things that work like
mastering these relational skills and being able to clear out the negative emotional block
between you and your ex. And if you are interested in clearing out
that negative emotion block if you’ve decided to do that instead of focusing on things that
don’t work like trying to re-attract them I would really like to invite you to sign
up for the ex solution program or you can go ahead and click on the button down below
and you can learn more about that and sign up if you think it’s a good fit for you. But regardless of whatever you choose I really
want you to make this decision today. Okay now tomorrow we’re going to go into topic
number two. I’ll tell you more about that tomorrow. But this is just the first of what are probably
going to be five videos. So tune in tomorrow for video number two. We’re going to talk about another key sort
of pivot that you can make to get faster better and more effective results in getting your
ex back. This is Clay and thank you.

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