What to Say When Someone Compliments You, and What Not To Say–Common Communication Mistakes We Make

What to Say When Someone Compliments You, and What Not To Say–Common Communication Mistakes We Make

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Hi everybody it’s Dan O’Connor, here to discuss
one of the top 5 things that people struggle responding to. Are you ready? Number three
is–a compliment! What is that all about?? Dan O’Connor Training dot com–He gives you
the words! You’ve probably seen this, where a young woman, for example, will be told that
she’s pretty, or be told something flattering. And she’ll kind of go uhhh, ohhh, sheeeeesh–and
we know–bless your heart–I hope that someday soon you will grow into your beauty, you will
grow into your height, you will grow into your communication skills that you have, you’ll
grow into fill up what it is that you are and be proud of it, rather than ashamed or
embarrassed when somebody SEES it. And the most beautiful thing that can happen when
we compliment somebody is they accept it–wholeheartedly–and say “thank you.” When you can’t wholeheartedly
accept a compliment that someone gives you, it is an insult to that person. You’re not
doing them any favors or honoring them at all when you say something such as “Noooo,
oh come on are you blind or this? Noooo.” When someone compliments you and you say “Thank
you”–it’s so nice when people can do that. It’s not easy to give a compliment. So honor
those people who give them to you by saying “thank you.” And if you struggle saying “thank
you” to a compliment, try this simple process. Remember, tilt your head back and forward.
Do that right now. Do this– A little bit back and then forward–a little bit back and
then forward, as if you’re saying “yes” one time. Yeah, you know not twice–just once.
If you can remember to tilt your head back and forward, that helps prevent you from putting
your chin down or making some type of embarrassed gesture that shows that you’re not used to
receiving compliments and you’re not comfortable receiving compliments. That will dishonor
the other person, who just gave you a compliment. If instead, you remember to simply say “thank
you” that is how you respond. And what that does is–not only does it honor the other
person–it projects confidence. It projects personal power, and people will want to compliment
you more. They will LOOK for things to compliment you on when you can receive it in a gracious
manner and it makes you appear more attractive. And I don’t mean attractive in the sense that
people will want to date you–which they will–but I mean it makes you more attractive in the
sense that people will want to work with you, do business with you, be around you, date
you–all of that. But if you can take it to the next level and use these three steps together–Step
#1–tilt your head back and forward, step #2, say “thank you!” and Step #3 is to give
credit to the person who gave you the gift to begin with. For example, if somebody were
to say to me “Wow, you have really great word skills!” I always make sure to say something
such as “Thank you. I got them from my mother. I’ll make sure to tell her you said that.”
I have a friend named Crystal Dixon and people will come up to her all the time and say things
such as “Miss–I just wanted to say I was watching you from across the restaurant. You
have just beautiful posture.” Because she sits like a queen every place that she goes
but it’s very natural and very becoming on her, and people will compliment her on her
posture all the time and she would always say things such as “Thank you. I owe that
to my grandmother and I appreciate your telling me so.” Because she’s saying “Thank you so
much. You’re not only honoring me but you are honoring my grandmother.” And that person
who then gave her the compliment not only feels great, they’re going to be much more
likely to give compliments in the future and so you are doing the whole world a favor when
you can gracefully accept a compliment. Remember, all we have to do is say “thank you.” And
if you want to follow it up, if you can follow it up with giving credit where credit is due,
“thank you. I get it from Dan O’Connor. You should subscribe to his channel!” Sign up
at Dan O’Connor Training dot com for more premium resources. So, from everybody here
at Dan O’Connor Training, this is Dan O’Connor signing off!

70 thoughts on “What to Say When Someone Compliments You, and What Not To Say–Common Communication Mistakes We Make”

  1. Earlier in life: I didn't receive many compliments. So, as I'm older, I struggle accepting them. I know I come across as use to it to the point of not giving a care, but that too can be insulting.

    Nodding should help, though.

  2. I never knew just how to respond to a compliment, I always felt uncomfortable. Now I know to say, a simple "thank you " & realize that it's okay to accept a compliment. Thanks again Dan!

  3. Dan, I love all your videos. You are a fantastic teacher. I have a question I was hoping you could address or if have already you can point me to a videos. I seem to be struggling with slowing myself down and speaking slowly so people can understand. I get so excited about saying something that I either 1) talk too much or 2) interrupt too much. On the other hand, when I practice more listening, I feel there is an awkward silence that I need to fill. This hinders my performance at my job and I'm looking for some tools to use to help me. I have already made my Work Compass and have it posted right next to my desk. Thank you for all that you do!

  4. And to you Dan i sincerely would like to.say a big Thank You for having shared this great lesson not just for me to take away but for everyone tuning in.

  5. Excellent video and very valuable insight you provide. Thank you. Ps. The bell sound on the head tilt was duly noted. 😊

  6. Hey Dan I want to thank you for all of your hard work and content! I love those new videos with the dark background it makes you look like you really know what you are talking about. I wanted to get your advise on how to break a friendship off in a kind and respectful way while still showing my boundaries? especially with someone you see everyday and you are probably going to have to talk to them. Hope you can help much love from Egypt!

  7. The thing that always makes me cringe when I see someone verbally refuse a compliment (or a gift – "Why did you do that? You shouldn't have!) is that the person just injected unnecessary disagreement into the conversation. The person thinks you're beautiful, and you are basically saying "I don't agree with you; you clearly have poor judgement". It breaks down rapport, even if only slightly, like a salesperson asking questions that illicit a "no" response.

  8. Thank you, Dan! You know one day I am going to be famous, and I am going to plug your channel at every opportunity!

    I'm gonna be on Conan one day, and he'll say to me "You're so poised, and such a confident public speaker", and I'll respond with a slight head nod, "Thank you. I owe that to Dan O"Connor!"

  9. I feel like, even if you are still shy and uncomfortable with accepting compliments, you might be able to respond with, or follow up saying thank you with the statement, "You are very kind." or something like that.

  10. Now, I'm going to share with you my experience on an interview I had last week. The interviewer was a woman about 35 year old manager. The first thing she said to me was,"I'm impressed with your CV. I said" thank you". Through the interview process she repeated it again. Again I said 'Thank you". She mentioned that I have gained a lot of skills through my career and I said "yes I have". She repeated it again. I again said 'yes I have but I feel I have still more things to do. She replied 'Oh yes you do" raising her voice. When ever I think about it I laugh. Have you any comment on that,Dan??

  11. I’ve noticed compliments aren’t as common!!! Like it’s politcally uncorrect to notice something about somebody!!! To call attention to someone, personal attention. Not as acceptable???

  12. I had someone tell.me I was intelligent then later on grabbed me by the neck because I wouldn't make eye contact.

    They might hink I'm intelligent well…sorry t say they are abusive

  13. Funny I just ran acrossthis video .Another Woman complimented me on my hair just when I was about to compliment her on her lacy Blouse at the same time . I don't think I even said thank you and I said you go sexy mama.". She looked wprn out by our convo. I think that if I would have held off with my compliment and said " thank you" we both would have felt good about ourselvesand would have met a new friend. Dam! Oh well . I woll know from watching this video next time.

  14. Hi Dan, I love your work. How do you respond to observation. E.g. people often note my blue eyes and will say, wow you have really blue eyes. I am never quite sure how to respond, once I thanked the person and they said. It wasn’t a compliment, so I was even more confused as to how to respond. Lots of people I meet do not know how to respond to observation,…..Gosh you’re tall, freckly etc etc

  15. What you are suppose to say or do when some gives you a phony complement ? i.e. You look good in Blue.
    My response is everyone looks good in Blue. Right ?

  16. them^ hey you're hot
    me^thank you
    where the fuck does the convo go unless you argue about your imperfections?

  17. Compliments are social constructs used by men to control, manipulate and subjugate women. Women should realize that compliments are a form of rape.

  18. As a young woman I couldn't handle a compliment. And now I just respond with thank you for that. It meant a lot to me. Because it really does.

  19. I complimented a pastor after a sermon and he said, "Thank you…Pray for me"…..I kinda liked that response.

  20. So i made my first compliment to the woman i fancy in the workplace. She was surprised and said 'thanks that's a great compliment.'
    But I've had no reaction, did she forget my compliment? Do i remind her about it next time i see her?
    I really want this compliment to stay on her mind!
    Thanks 👍

  21. Yes, I agree. I don't usually find it too hard to say thank you to a genuine compliment. I have trouble responding to a compliment when it's intended to make you look arrogant. I mean, when you can tell their intent is to turn around and say, "Oh, so you agree that you're pretty then?" … "See, I told you she thinks highly of herself." Is there a way to respond to every compliment as if it were duplicitous without being rude?

  22. Oh Dan, sigh, your just so together!
    Thanks for this, shared it with my daughter (who's starting to get more compliments 😉).

  23. Ok so what if there is this girl who you see regularly and she compliments you a lot do you just say thank you or do you try to return it’s every time because if it becomes repetitive it can become harder to deal with

  24. I just transferred into a new school and my classmates told me i look beautiful. I don’t know what to say because in my previous school, no one really says I’m beautiful.

  25. People compliment my eyes and they’re quote on quote “panty droppers” buh when a girl compliments them they my stupid ass says “I know”

  26. what to respond when someone won't take a credit on you ?
    I jast naw anderstend this …
    And he all the time tell me that is for me and he don't want my work …
    Bat he does the opposite .
    And he keeps cheating on me for being nice and he's my back … to get the credit and try to be my manager and tell the senior manager that he runs me.

  27. I am recovering from a years long marriage to a covert narcissist, and i am learning to get my confidence back. This was AMAZINGLY helpful!

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