Tony Robbins: Why Relationships Are So Hard ( Tony Robbins Relationships )

Tony Robbins: Why Relationships Are So Hard ( Tony Robbins Relationships )

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This is your checklist for the rest of
your life if something’s not working in your relationship this is the first
place you go five disciplines of love and three of passion these five
disciplines are what the game is all about the first discipline we call the
discipline of unconditional love and compassion the discipline why don’t call
it a discipline because you don’t always feel unconditionally loving you don’t
always feel compassionate if your triggers get fired if something triggers
your masculine or feminine you know animal in you that survival instinct in
you based on something going on you may not show up so you know unconditional in
your love and compassion what this really means put in one phrase put your
lover what it’s not about you that’s the law you put your lover first if you are
having problems in your relationship I can promise you that the problem you’re
having right now is you’re feeling pain right now and it’s because you’re
focused on yourself not your partner you’re focused on what you’re not
getting you’re focused on what your partner’s not giving you you focus on
something that’s not happening there this is the number-one flaw you want to
have an extraordinary relationship tear up your rules make this your number one
rule number one rule is my lover comes first my number one rule is if you love
you put their feelings and needs before your own second discipline real quick
the discipline of absolute courage and vulnerability absolute courage and
vulnerability this is learning to love no matter what I mean truly no matter
what now how many people are gonna do that not many not many people are gonna
be extraordinary relationship but what I mean by this is if you have courage and
vulnerability that means you tell the truth
that means you open up most people out of a lack of courage hold back their
gift this idea that you’re gonna give pain to somebody you love you’re gonna
punish them that takes no courage that takes no vulnerability that’s just
stupidity so the more available you are the more power you have
because love penetrates all third law for all positive intent the
discipline should say a positive attempt by the way discipline weighs ounces
regret weighs tons discipline weighs ounces regret waste tons you don’t
follow these disciplines you’re gonna have regret all right they’re
disciplines their commitments or things you’re gonna do no matter what
discipline means even if it’s not easy you still do it right discipline is it’s
a habit that’s what a discipline is a fabin the discipline of positive intent
you know the deeper truth that this is a no blame game you know that when
something happens no matter what it was like when I said that to her my girl
knew she and I made a decision early on I decided and this decision I encourage
you to make up you haven’t made it or make it anew if you haven’t made it in
years I decided I knew this woman’s soul this woman’s soul was his pure as
anything I could ever dream of in my life I knew that I love this woman
her soul is pure so man what happened I would serve her and I’m gonna what
happened with what she said and by what she did I would know even if I couldn’t
figure out how the intent was pure the intent was one to get closer it looks
mean but she’s scared it looks vicious but she’s just freaked
out you know and same thing with me he looks like he’s an unconscious asshole
he just doesn’t know it looks like he doesn’t give a shit he’s actually a
masculine male and this is what they do right we shifted the meaning to always
there’s an empowering meaning because there’s never negative intent no matter
what it looks like no matter what was said and by having that along with that
they’re just a little possum tent in steps no blame game we immediately
apologize it doesn’t matter what coz happened if there’s any argument we have
it’s a playful argument which is I’m taking responsibility and she’s taken
responsible I know honey it was my fault that was my fault and it’s like and we
mean it sincerely it doesn’t matter what it is because I hold myself is whatever
she’s feeling ultimately it’s my responsibility
even if I didn’t intended that’s it so I take responsibility I’m sorry honey I’m
sorry your feelings were she does it with me also and since we both are
constantly doing it it makes it like there’s nobody ever blaming somebody
else so think about this we put each other first if we find we’re not we
change that immediately right we immediately look at we gotta be courage
and vulnerable you’ve got to tell the truth that’s really what letters tell
the truth with kindness with love with making nobody wrong because we both know
we’re positive intent you break through all the bullshit with this mm-hmm and
with an apology rather than I’m sorry you always have I yes always I honey I’m
sorry today when I upset you or I’m sorry today if I upset you having the
word I in owning it neutralized it’s such a crazy and we so underrate an
apology of ownership owning something who cares and you love each other who
cares about being right or wrong and if there really is an unconscious to action
and even if it wasn’t your intent even if it wasn’t unconscious even if it was
a misinterpretation who cares own it you own it and it neutralizes
that and it only like brings you closer it’s extraordinary and you gotta
remember no matter what they did that’s not who they are if you can remember
that the human behavior is not a reflection of the human spirit often
it’s responsive reflex action of the animal inside of us and if you can know
that you know their spirit you know their soul then you know when people get
insecure when they get uncertain when they go on survival I’ve done it you’ve
done it we’ve all done it so instead of judging and making them wrong because
you’re scared of being hurt again you gotta come back to I know what their
intent is I know it’s positive you Christian my intent you end the
relationship you crushed my behavior you gotta be right to do that even if I
disagree with him you just never questioned intend I’ve underlined that I
bold it I go on if you question intent you are destroying the relationship so
you look at somebody usually you subscribe either what you would do or if
you dislike something about them or gonna ban state you’ll come up with the
worst reason why they did it it’s never the truth they did it to meet
some needs same as you but underneath it if you know their soul you just don’t
question their intent now think of it you just did these three things what
would be destroyed on your list oh my god our kids mother wait a second my
wife comes first my husband comes first you know what the bottom line is I just
and love them look at these kids are gonna be great look I’m abend I’m gonna
find something here for him I’m gonna find something here for her right I’m
gonna and I’m making this so crazy I’m being up so upset what am I really upset
about I’m upset thinking my kids are not gonna be the way I want them to do
not my kids are gonna be the way they’re meant to be so it’s really about me
again right you know discipline absolute curse you
know honey I just wanna talk to you I’m concerned this is how I was raised I
know you’re raised differently vulnerably I love you I love you the way
you are you’re a rebel you love me I have rules maybe our kids will be okay
with that – what do you think finding someone you know knowing that there’s
positive intent will kill any anger upset inside this piece fourth one of
the five disciplines fourth is the discipline of honorable language and
moment-to-moment awareness honorable language there is power in love
adoration and praise and most of us don’t use it enough most of us don’t
praise enough and when I say praise make a note if you’re gonna praise your man
or your woman you must praise them specifically not generally but
moment-to-moment being consciously aware of the impact of the impact that you’re
having with your language and your presence on your partner in your
language as well body language words deeds it’s knowing you have an impact
and seeing that impact you know if I’m doing something and I look over I see my
girl is not in a great place I don’t continue so what happens for a woman to
understand is we get information man and if your word words go into that file in
our brain left hemisphere emotions go on the other side but when you say a word
to a woman it hits both hemispheres it’s like if I asked you where are you on you
know the 11th of August in 2001 but if I ask you where were you on 9/11 how
remember exactly where you were in the room when you heard about it or you were
there you saw it because information with emotion is remembered forever
and for women words that you say mean a lot because they had to determine what
she’s pleasing you or not and those words get connected to emotion and you
might just be saying things because guys say things all the time right and when
you’re that upset men gentlemen there’s nowhere to go you’re never gonna hurt
that woman in a million years so the only way to let go so the pressure is
yell or scream or you some words but then she takes those
words in and she’s hurt by and here’s it here’s a trick a marriage a very
passionate man who’s married to certainly a very passionate woman and
little you know we made decisions never I hate you never I’m gonna leave you and
not f you tell he’ll say Oh mother f like I mean it can come flying out of
his mouth and have such a level of intensity but F for F sake
Jib but you could yeah whatever that might be is different than ever to you
that and one other big one I’ll give you is if you ever threaten the end of the
relationship yes and because if you ever threaten it when people go to put their
button on the tail on the button you know just to threaten it because they’re
so frustrated the moment you do that somewhere in the psyche of your partner
they think oh my god they could leave me and I’m I gonna have to do this first
and so they put their finger on the button then all it takes is enough time
to doing that enough yours are doing that and one day somebody will push the
button if you are committed to the relationship you’re in banned for life
for multiple lifetimes for those you’re going to come back six and seven times
like some of the people here dead you man for multiple lifetimes I will never
ever ever threaten never night of you ever threatens the leads if you threaten
to leave relationships over might take three more years five more ten years but
it’s over if you want to be in a relationship with this person don’t ever
ever ever threaten and you did before it’s off-limits forever no exceptions as
enough mad you are angry you are sad you are
never you’re not unconscious with your language and unconscious with your deeds
you’re aware of the impact you correct it immediately
you constantly realize I’m pissed off I’m hurt I’m sad it’s about me let me
step out of me I’m gonna something bigger here right this is I’m not about
I’m about something bigger it’s what do they need let me Stephanie you do that
enough times it’ll become a habit then finally number five the discipline of
giving freedom giving freedom men live for freedom women need it also but it
comes in different forms and it’s the power of forgiving forgetting and
flooding forgiving forgetting and flooding now women seem to have more of
a difficulty with forget but you can be forgiving and forgiveness
is when you realize that what you thought happened didn’t really happen
you gave it a meaning that doesn’t really match reality you’re expecting
your partner to be something different than they are flooding is one of most
valuable skills you can do in your life if you don’t flood you’ll have a hard
time forgiving and forget it and we flood our magic moments I mean at all
those are all the time and we capture them you know we have our little app of
a journal that we capture all of our just our beautiful moments after this
event when we get home on Sunday we’ll spend an hour and just capture all the
beautiful moments that happen here everything that was funny everything
that was beautiful everything that was touching because otherwise it’s just
it’s actually what Nicole was talking about maybe she talked about framing you
have a peak experience and you actually give words to it and that frames it and
it helps to get to that place it’s just like you bypass all that effort that
took you there and then that’s yours next starting point and then you have
another peak experience and then you share that new frame and you give
language and you give words to it and then boom you set the hot the bar higher
and a lot of times what happens is we magic happens in life grace pours and we
don’t give words till we don’t celebrate it we don’t recognize it we don’t see it
we don’t appreciate it in putting words to that of appreciation and of celle and
reliving and experiencing it it is it is I would say it’s one of the top 10
things for us that we do that just it ignites and that feeling and just of
utter appreciation and we always captured so we can go back and read it
it’s so beautiful this is this is okay this is something to share so when we
first it’s true he was so uh oh my gosh like I mean rigid militant flew like so
intense about these things and so I mean anytime that anybody would talk about
eggs he was just like in did what felt like he was not fishes but it felt like
that level of intensity and so we were together and I was feeling like I needed
more protein and we share everything and it was so crazy because I started to eat
eggs and I literally and I think out there know this episode’s nuts but I did
not tell him and I felt like I was having a frickin affair with an egg and
I I would go into the pantry and I’d eat
the eggs and I’m like this is nuts like this is just this is crazy it seems
ridiculous it sounds nutty but was again I put so much energy into hiding my egg
eating and and then I got to the day of I was like this is this is outrageous
this is just out of hand and I sat him down she finally came and shot him
she shared with me affair she’s been having with crazy story
he does he does and I still eat them I really love breakfast I love my eggs and
I love my brother I love her so I love an egg eater now you know the truth yeah so we disagree completely but we love
each other so that’s how you balance now you get it you get it you put love first
you love more than your rules and it makes you a better human being because
it opens you up because lots of things were making life and death a really art
they really

20 thoughts on “Tony Robbins: Why Relationships Are So Hard ( Tony Robbins Relationships )”

  1. The guy is preaching ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚and is divorced ๐Ÿ™ˆ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  2. Yes, human behaviors are not reflective of spirit or intention. BUT they affect others hugely. People can only get away with using that so much. Just imagine someone who murdered another person and is truly sorry for the behavior and didn't mean to kill him/her.

  3. 1. Unconditional love and compassion. Put your lover first. Donโ€™t focus on you, on what you are not getting. You put their needs before yours.

    2. Courage and vulnerability. The more vulnerable you are the more powerful. Donโ€™t punish them.

    3. Discipline and positive intent. The intent is pure. There is never a negative intent. If there is an argument we apologize. Take responsibility for the argument, donโ€™t blame the other person. Tell the truth with kindness. โ€œ Iโ€™m sorry I…โ€ Own it. No matter what they did , it is not who they are, not their soul. Never question the intent. They did it to meet some needs.

    4. Honorable language and moment to moment awareness . Praise specifically. Your language has an impact. Never swear. Never threaten them to live the relationship.

    5. Giving freedom. Forgiving. Forgetting and Flooding. Capture all the beautiful moments.

  4. One word, WOMEN! That's it. The bigoted sense of entitlement, the immaturity, the lack of agency.. the bad behavior of women is why relationships fail

  5. ๐Ÿ—ฟ I'll say this much: You're both ADORABLE. However, as a Gay man I MUST point out that: Girl, YOU'VE GOT YOURSELF ONE HELL OF A MANโ— Congratulations. ๐Ÿ‘

  6. I agree in a healthy relationship…but if youโ€™re giving & giving, only to be treated worse & blamed for everything, please STOP & realize youโ€™re dating a psychopath or narcissist. Youโ€™ll NEVER EVER be good enough…no matter how amazing you are…because they need to feel better than you. They need you to be the reason for any issues. They need to be perfect in their own mind. Staying and giving endless to this type will only end with you becoming a shadow of yourself & possibly forever damaging your self worth. Itโ€™s ugly. Only give up to the point that you donโ€™t feel walked on. Past that you need to collect yourself & run.

  7. What kind of bullshit is that? They will take you for granted if you do that. The more vulnerable you are the less power you have beucase they can now play you.

  8. So if your man cheats on you for 8 months saying that they are just out thinking and you finally catch them, how do you act then?

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