I Hired A Cryptographer To Expose My Deepest Secret

I Hired A Cryptographer To Expose My Deepest Secret

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– Hidden messages are all around
us, but we never see them. (dramatic beat) The job of a cryptographer
is to uncover secret messages by breaking complicated codes. Today I’m going to try
hiding my deepest secret right under a cryptographer’s nose. (dramatic beat) I hope my secret smells pleasant. (dramatic music) What does a cryptographer do? – So a cryptographer looks at data and that data is encrypted
with mathematical algorithms. So we look at that data to see
if it’s safe or if it’s not. So we employ different
analytical techniques to try to break the message or to show that hey this cryptography’s actually
doing it’s job, it’s secure. So it’s not just breaking
the math, it’s finding flaws and how they actually wrote
the code to implement the math. – I hate math. I think I got a C in math. Pretty much every year of my life. – I doubt that happened to me. – What was the most dangerous
job you’ve ever had? – Where I’m at now, at Freedom
of the Press Foundation, we build a tool called
SecureDrop, which is a platform that news organizations set
up so that whistle blowers and others who want to share
tips and things with really high stakes that other
nations, states or governments or crime syndicates might want to access. This is a platform for them to submit these stories to news organizations. Just the general danger
of building a system with those types of audiences in mind, where they could face prison
time or, you know, exile or even death if something goes wrong. – Are you good at solving puzzles? – Absolutely, fantastic. – Now I’m going to challenge you. I’ve hidden my deepest secret in a code and if you are able to solve my puzzle, you will be revealing my deepest
secret to the entire world. – I will do my best to expose it. – I’m going to give you thirty minutes, everything you need is
in the room upstairs. – Okay. – Good luck. What the cryptographer
didn’t know was that I spent the last two weeks planning
the perfect strategy to keep my secret safe forever. (dramatic music) First I developed a series
of brutally difficult puzzles to test his skills, drawing inspiration from ancient history, and my extreme addiction to escape rooms. I wanted to make the room with
my puzzles in it as scary as possible, so I decorated
it like a birthday party. A birthday party where the
windows are blacked out, the pinata is empty and a clown
costume is stapled to the wall. Next, I created a devious distraction. Every two minutes that passed
with my secret remaining undiscovered, the cryptographer
will be hit in the face with a mayonnaise pie. This should annoy the bejesus out of him. The more time he spends pissed
off, the less time he has to expose my strange past. Finally, I hired a professional
mime to stand in the corner of the room during this challenge. To make matters more interesting, I told the mime my deepest secret. In college, (bleep) (bleep) (bleep) track. The cryptographer will be allowed to skip my marathon of odd challenges, if he can make the mime
spill my secret beans. – What are the rules of
engagement with this mime? – You can do whatever
you want to this mime. I will say he may or may
not be very ticklish, but if you cannot get the mime to talk, you have to focus on
solving all of my puzzles. – Fair. – If the mime talks and
breaks their code of silence, they may never work again. I really hope this mime
is ready to retire today. What percentage positive
are you going to succeed? – I will say 85%. – Good, I’m already in your head, baby. (laughing) – That’s the best way I function. – With me in your head? – Well, with the adversary in my head. – Now that I’ve made the
cryptographer uncomfortable, it’s time to start my impossible puzzles. – [Mike voiceover] The
challenge begins in 3, 2, 1. Mayonnaise pie. First, the mime will hand
the cryptographer a note, which reads, “Mike shifted
his lunch three minutes “so he could have a caesar
salad. Yixzh ifdeq lk tfkalt.” What does that mean? – [Justin Voiceover] Alright,
so right now I’m just trying to figure out what this code might mean. Okay, I’m gonna keep looking around to see if there’s anything of use. – When the timer begins,
I’ll be outside preemptively celebrating my victory
by calmly shucking corn. (dramatic music) – [Mike Voiceover] Mayonnaise pie. – Alright, currently just turning over, looking over for some clues. Puzzle as it is, alright
here’s an alphabet, shift code, (mumbles) three minutes,
let’s try to solve it. – [Mike voiceover] Mayonnaise pie. The three underlying words
were shifted, three and caesar. The cryptographer should
realize that in the strange final sentence, I shifted
the letters three places over in the alphabet using a caesar cipher, said to be an ancient method
of hiding secret messages. Moving those letters three
places down the alphabet will spell black light on window. – Black light looking for a black light. (upbeat chime) Alright cool, found the black
light, solved the puzzle. Got pie all over me. – Once the cryptographer
picks up the black light on the window sill, he must
find invisible ink somewhere in the room, or he can waste time hosting a black light dance party by himself, which is something that I’ve never done. – Looking for something that
will appear and having no luck. – Written on the far corner
of the ceiling, an invisible chalk message reads,
“My favorite book is 666 “and my favorite number is dictionary.” – Not sure what this is for yet. (mumbles) Nothing there. [Mike voiceover] Mayonnaise pie. – The first part of the
puzzle was pretty easy, I’m gonna say that I’m
over-analyzing the black light part. Oh there we go, my favorite book, 666. My favorite number is dictionary. There we go, so I found
the black light clue, so so my favorite number is 666, so page 666, which I found by shining the black light. – One of the many books on
the floor is a dictionary, on page 666 is a note which reads: – It says, “Please write
a haiku about pizza, “call my favorite pizzeria
and sing them your haiku, “you can convince them, “to the cashier to sing
your haiku back to you.” – [Mike voiceover] Mayonnaise pie. – Only then will you get your next clue. – Now the cryptographer
will have to serenade a total stranger with
his feelings about pizza. – I would look up the
definition of haiku to make sure I have the formatting correct. So it’s form of 5-7-5 as far as syllables. But now I’m gonna call
Mike’s favorite pizzeria. – [Mike voiceover] Mayonnaise pie. – So I’m on a mission, I need your help. – If the cryptographer
convinces the pizzeria cashier to sing his haiku back to him, he may continue his quest
for my deepest secret. – So I need you to sing a
haiku back to me that I’m going to tell you for me to
proceed to my next challenge. If you do that he says he’ll
come in, buy everybody pizza. – Yeah we’re gonna place an
order for pizza, but that’s what I have to convince you
to do is sing this haiku back. – Yeah, as strange as it sounds. I’m getting mayonnaise pies in the face, I’ve had like a dozen so I
could really use your help. So the only way I- – [Mike voiceover] Mayonnaise pie. – There’s another one, the
only way I can get to the next challenge is for you to sing
the haiku and there’s no other pizza place he
likes except for yours. Alright, say the first line with me. I like cheese pizza. – Pizza is the greatest food. – Ham pizza is great. – [Mike voiceover] Mayonnaise pie. (upbeat chime) – The cashier will
provide this instruction: on the floor is a blueish-green vase, which contains a ping pong ball, when the cryptographer
gets the ping pong ball, he will read the small
clue I’ve written on it. – Okay, looks like we have next piece, pop the red balloon. (upbeat chime) – [Mike voiceover] Mayonnaise pie. (balloon pops) – Cool, alright, next clue: (upbeat chime) – [Mike voiceover]
Inside that red balloon, I’ve hidden a small paper with this text: – Zodiac symbols. Also a bomb. And we gotta figure out what this code is. – The cryptographer should
realize that this is a font everyone knows,
but no one has ever used. I’m speaking of course about Wingdings. – [Mike voiceover] Mayonnaise pie. – In the room there is a
laptop he may use to convert the symbols into English. The sentence translates to: Mike’s secret is on the
tip of the mime’s tongue. – Looking here for other clues. – [Mike voiceover] Mayonnaise pie. – I saw the mailbox
icon, so I’m just gonna see if by chance… – As you know, many words
have double meanings. Do you know that some
words have double meanings? – Sure. – Great. A tongue can also be found on a shoe, therefore my deepest
secret has been hidden on the mime’s shoe tongue this whole time. If the cryptographer reaches
into the mime’s shoe tongue, pulls out my embarrassing
secret and reads it for the entire internet to hear, I will lose and be humiliated forever. (dramatic music) – Okay. (dramatic music) Alright. It’s time.
– It’s time. – The cryptographer failed,
which is awesome for me and pretty stinky for him. – Well I lost, but I was making more
ground as I went along? – So how much of this was cryptography and how much of this was just plain weird? – I would say the majority
of it was plain weird. – The only person who knows
that secret is behind us. – Yes. And I have an idea it
had something to do with shucking corn of a different kind. One final question. – [Mike] Yeah.
– Do you guys have shampoo? – [Mike] We’ve got shampoo.
(laughing) Yeah, it’s mayonnaise flavored. – It’s raw. – While you were trying to
discover my deepest secret, I was going to investigate
your deepest secret, but I decided shucking corn was more fun. (laughing) – [Justin] That’s the rumor. – [Mike] What do you do for fun? (mellow music)

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