how to master your emotions | emotional intelligence

how to master your emotions | emotional intelligence

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Emotion. It’s sometimes referred to as the spirit
or the breath of life. It prescribes our actions and colors our world. The one who can master the emotions can master
actions, and the one who masters actions is the master of all future realities. Today we look at the stories of 2 different
men, 2 different world views, 2 different goals, and, ultimately, 2 different paths. This is Alexander. He belives that there are two kinds of people
in the world: the conquerors and the conquered. If you want to be great, you have to become
a conqueror. It’s a dog eat dog world, and only the fit
survive. You have to determine who will conquer with
you and whom you must conquer. Alexander read a lot as a kid. He fell in love with Greek heroes who displayed
the highest virtues: courage and bravery. They were leaders — not followers. He didn’t have much as a kid and had to
work hard for everything he had. This led him to believe that a persons life
is the outcome of their actions and that they must take complete responsibility for what
happens to them. Physically and intellectually, he held himself
to incredibly high standards. There’s no one he wanted to conquer more
than himself, each and every day. One day, he encountered a homeless man. The man asked him for some change. Alexander knew what he was seeing: a conquered
man. How could this man let himself be conquered
so badly? How many mistakes must he have made to end
up in this position? Why doesn’t he take steps to dig himself
out of this hole? Instead, hes taking the lazy way out. He’s trying to take from those who worked
hard for what they have. Those who made good decisions should not be
punished by those who made bad decisions. Alexander knew that if the man wanted to eat,
he needed to learn how to fish and not have fish given to him. He became enraged by the mans weakness. “This man won’t get a penny from me”,
he thought to himself, “that would only enable his destructive behaviors and poor
atittude towards life. By suffering he’ll learn or he’ll die;
that’s the way the world works.” This is Joseph. He believes that there are two kinds of people
in the world: those who can help and those who need to be helped. His father taught him that the highest good
is to serve those who have nothing and to lift them up. Life is difficult, and those who have should
serve those who have not. Joseph read a lot as a kid. He fell in love with various spiritual leaders
who loved all and lived to serve. He grew up quite well off and always felt
indebted to those who didn’t. He felt lucky to have everything that he did. One day, he encountered a homeless man. The man asked him for some change. Joseph knew what he was seeing: a completely
underserved man. This man had been abandoned by society. Joseph felt like weeping. “Imagine how much we have failed as a society
to let someone get to this point,” he thought to himself, “life is so difficult and full
of suffering and based on luck, that anyone of us could end up in his position.” He grabbed all the money he had in his pocket
and handed it to the man. And so, both stories end here. Both men had unique worldviews shaped by their
past experiences. They both percieved the same man in a different
light. Where one saw a weak man, the other saw a
forsakened man. Their perceptions led them to feel different
emotions. There emotions were heavily affected by what
they thought they were seeing. In actuality, both men knew nothing about
the homeless man, and they have no idea what led him to his position. This is often the case in real life. From a young age, both men were surrounded
by an invisible structure referred to as culture or environment. The knowledge they grabbed from this structure
allows them to navigate the world. Alex grew up in a structure of personality
responsibility, of strength & weakness. He can only see people in this way. It’s all he knows. Joseph grew up in a structure of collective
responsibility, of the needy & the fortunate. He can only see people in this way. It’s all he knows. For both men, emotions are tools. In Alex’s world, anger is a useful tool
that allows him to become strong — his highest ideal. In Joseph’s world, compassion is a useful
tool that allows you to become a giver — his highest ideal. One might wonder, if you could change the
invisible structure that surrounds these men, if they reversed the books they read or the
family that they had, would they perceive the world differently? If they percieve the world differently, would
they feel differently? The master of emotions, then, is the one who
can alter the invisible structure around them. This allows them to gather a diverse set of
concepts which allows them to see the same scenario in different ways. They would be neither Alexander or Joseph. They would be both. They could become either one depending on
the circumstances. Take a look at this image. What shapes do you see? You’d probably say a bunch of 3/4 circles
and a square. Technically, there’s actually no square
there. It’s simply a byproduct of how the 3/4 circles
are arranged. But that doesn’t change the fact that you’ll
always see it there because you’re familiar with the concept of a square. If you never learned what a square was, you’d
never see it there in the image. There’s a layer of meaning hidden in the
negative space. Emotional mastery is about perceiving multiple
layers of meaning in the negative space of life. It’s about seeing all of the potential realities
that could exist. It’s about looking at a homeless man and
seeing that his position could be a byproduct of his personal decisions or the byproduct
of a cultural failure. What I’m not saying is that these men can
think different thoughts and change their emotions in the moment. But, they can experience a different worldview
now, so they see differently in the future. They can find new ways of seeing or interacting
with old things and all they need to do is listen — listen to the world in its many
forms. Had they listened to one anothers perspectives,
or asked the homeless man for his perspective, they might have seen the whole situation in
a new light. As we conclude, let’s return to this image. You probably think that theres nothing more
to this image than the 3/4 circles and the square. But what if I told you that this is actually
just one shape: a rectangle with 4-3/4 circles removed from it. It’s called a FiT rectangle. Just by listening, you now have a new way
of percieving these patterns which was invisible to you before — a new layer of meaning. So, how does one master the emotions? By listening, but more importantly, listening
to points of view that they haven’t heard before or that are contrary to their own. To feel differently, they have to see differently. To see differently, they have to gain knowledge
that they don’t have. To gain knowledge that they don’t have,
they have to experience new things. I think Joseph Campbell said it best, The very cave you are afraid to enter turns
out to be the source of what you are looking for. This video was based on my best understanding
of Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett’s “theory of constructed emotion” which I talked about
in another video. I put a link to it in the description.

100 thoughts on “how to master your emotions | emotional intelligence”

  1. The circumstances don’t always mean they would become the same exact replica. We all have our own minds. We all develop our own right and wrong. We decide to either be better than our environment or become it.

  2. Suffering will teach him:


    2 types of people in world:


    Fell in love with spiritual leaders, felt lucky to have everything he did.

    Underserved man. Failed as society to let someone get to this point.

    Luck? Life?

    Money and handed it.

    Both men had unique world views.

    One saw weak.

    One saw forsaken.

    Both men knew nothing about him.

  3. Culture and environment.

    Alex grew up with responsibility, strength.

    Emotions are tools:

    Anger allows Alex to become STRONG

    Compassion allows Joseph to become EMPATHETIC.

    Alex? Joseph? Both?

    Become both.

  4. Layer of meaning hidden in space.

    See all potential realties that could exist.

    Could be byproduct of him or his society.

    Experience different worldview now.

    Listen to the world in many forms.

    Ask homeless man for his perspective?

  5. Listen to points of view you haven’t heard before.

    To feel differently, see differently.

    Gain knowledge you don’t have through experience.


  6. The very cave you are afraid of enter, turns out to be the source of what you are looking for.

    – Joseph Campbell

  7. How to control emotions behavior and actions.

    I be a Leaders not follower.
    Service those who have nothing,
    Not everyone is raised the same way.
    See the good in people
    Compassion merciful loving caring sensitive nurturing respect boundaries standards privacy.
    Reality of the world.
    How anyone see the world.
    See things from different perspective.
    Be good listener and experience new things get out of comfort zone.

  8. the master race are those who are conquerors and helped and lift others at the same time
    be tough but kind

  9. Does anyone else notice what you lack the most you project onto others? I lacked support growing up, so I unto others give my support.

  10. What i want is help with controlling anger when I am talking to stupid overseas call centres who dont have a clue how to provide support

  11. I cant stop laughing for no reason and when I just see someone smile I just laugh automatic and earlier today my classmate was laughing so hard then when I look at her I laughed harder than her please help me how can I control this!?!?!?!

  12. I defend emotion because sometimes emotion more important from logic (but not everytime just sometimes we need to balance both as %60 logic %40 emotion.I think

  13. It's not homeless. It's without home.

    Jokes aside, isn't the accepted theory that thoughts precede emotions? So to control your emotions, you need to be a master at knowing precisely what you're thinking. Those two people were just thinking about what the books had said, not what they really think about the without home person.

  14. This video is well informative. It has at its core Easter religious perspective but it doesnt teach us how to work with our feelings an emotions at the vBASIC LEVEL!!

  15. Now I have multiple point of views:
    Me: Trying to analyze all points of view
    Homeless man: ahh.. hey can I help you?

  16. How about being sharp and astute enough to know when your emotional frame is overriding your intellectual grasp of the situation at hand…

  17. Don't we all die eventually.. We all are sentenced to death no matter how poor or rich . single or married the end game is death

  18. if you're seeing a square then you must be assuming they are full circles with a square on top blocking them..

  19. Stop the brain washing. ENTP”s will never count you responsible if you will allways” put blame on “feelings”!!! Yeah, I”m feeling angry because, of video”s like this. And some people noticed, that 1/3 of this was logic the other one- brain washing. [email protected]&; you.

  20. 2019
    AngeR is justified in this
    unfair & cruel world! It is
    a natural way to remain
    sane in this god-forsaken world.
    But the downside?
    Your health suffers.
    See how ruined the universe is?
    Ha! Whoever created this world is heartless. Tyrannical.
    Such a waste. And we are
    paying the price for the unloving
    act of the creator.
    If that thought doesn't make you
    angry, I don't know what will.

  21. From my observation it was the books that made the differences. By reading Joesph became better able to understand while Alex did not. Because Joesph saw from more then one perfectives instead of just his own.

  22. so… you all know! we know experience the say to know life… and that's the true… how could you wrote tihings like it if u don't know … so what u know is real!!!!

  23. This how the catholic church allow group of deprived people like the arabs, kurds or the philipino to advance them and make them feel good about their selves by banding them like wild dogs or hyenas against another group ( in almost all cases the deceived iraqi native catholic christians from none arabs and rewarding their bishop for hushing it…) using religion as deception to achieve that, the catholic church have been using this for centuries….those people they still the pieces of sbhit is better than them….

  24. The catholic church in cooperation with the american government indeed take away from the decent people stalking them for decades and ruin their lives to empower band of deprived criminals ( the list is very long like the filipinos, Pakistani at mother of confidence church san diego…….) this is how they have empowered the arabs…..

  25. Do anybody know about Rotogenflux Methods? Does it work? I hear a lot of people improve their intelligence with this intelligence boost program.

  26. Nice story but not fair the comparison, and then attach compassion more to one then another.
    And yes, as a blue personality, I'm "personally offended", reds trying to impose their lack of self-morality, and self-ego, to think they can save (or have the responsibility to save) anyone…
    Or impose a state that does that for them 😉

  27. I’m really sure something is bugging me I’ve been aggressive lately for no reasons to the point I’m scared of myself I tend to forward my anger to others just like how I said “I wished my friends sister fell down the stairs”which after I said it I was in shock it’s like I blurted it out without thinking and the second time I said “I hated everything and everybody “lmao I have bad temper

  28. I don't understand your point. You gave an example of two people with extremely low emotional intelligence, but then you talked about world view and being openminded. Does having a more balanced worldview helps you make a better decision about the beggar? How does an emotionally stable person acts? By saying no and continue his walk as if nothing happened? By asking him to tell his story and then reward him by giving him some change?

    I've always had a huge problem saying no to the point that it was affecting my life a lot. I felt overwhelmingly bad about it because I was always thinking that someone has a good reason for asking and I would try to deduct what that reason was in order to rationalize my choice to help. I got better at it by trying to find mutually beneficial solutions and closing my mind to wild possibilities. My father also helped a lot by putting me in situations where I had to say no. I was hiding behind his name for most of the time, but eventually the practice of actually saying no helped a lot. I'm still willing to help whenever I can, but at least now I can protect myself from people that don't care about giving back.

  29. Thank you for the wisdom that you´ve shared in this video. I am old but I am humbled. Truly, at any point in our life, we can never say we know something fully.

  30. I didn't learn anything practical, just be open minded and VOILA, you've mastered your emotions! 8 mins of nothing.

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