How to Master Small Talk and Control the Conversation

How to Master Small Talk and Control the Conversation

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Hey YouTube, how’s it going? Some of you might be familiar with me, but
if you’re not, I’m Kate Spring and I’m a dating and relationship coach from the west
coast of Canada. And in this video, I want to help your dating
game in the conversation department, more specifically, I want to help you to master
small talk and explain some ways that you can learn how to control the conversation. Just before we get started, remember that
if you have any questions please leave them in the comments section below and I’ll be
sure to get back to you, personally, as soon as I can. There is something so sexy about a man who
can dominate a conversation and can elevate it from ordinary to extraordinary in a matter
of words. Typical small talk looks something like this,
“How are you?” “What do you do for work?” “Where are you from?” Sadly, women and men are too familiar with
this boring line of questioning when they meet. The job interview type questions. This kind of mind dulling small talk comes
from a place of nervousness. And when you’re nervous in front of a hot
woman, your brain turns to mush, and your mouth starts spewing what you’ve been conditioned
to understand as appropriate get-to-know-you-banter. The problem here is that it doesn’t excite
a woman to get to know where you work either. However, there is an elevated version of small
talk that you can master in order to get to know women quicker and in a more exciting
way by just changing what you ask her. Thankfully, there are steps that you can take
to improve your small talk game and, subsequently, can take charge of the conversation. The first step is to approach the right woman. Don’t go up to the woman that has a resting
bitch face and her arms crossed. That woman’s body language is either saying,
“I have a boyfriend,” or “I’m not interested.” Look for the girl in a group of people that
is smiling, seems appriachable, has an open body posture and is looking around the room. That is someone whose attention you can capture. I know, I know, small talk is a pain in the
ass. Some people despise it and avoid it at all
costs, but the good news is that the better you are at it, the easier it becomes, and
the more powerful personality you will have. It’s not only a key skill to master for
dating, but it is also a skill worth having to be successful in all interpersonal relationships. Along with small talk is learning how to build
attraction, and for more information on that, head over to and get a
copy of my attraction building handbook for free! There you will learn how to build attraction
through texting and through body language, this will also help you in conversations. That’s and I’ve posted
a link in the description below. Alright, when you first approach a woman,
do you think to yourself, “Wow, I wonder where that girl is from…” Or, “Wow, I wonder what that woman does
for work…” The chances are that you approached her because
something about her physically is attractive to you and you’d like to start a conversation
that makes her interested in getting to know you even better. The answers to the job interview questions
don’t really matter when you first meet her. You can find out her middle name and her childhood
dog’s name later on. But for now, when you first meet her, focus
on getting to know her personality and what excites her. And having a conversation that will make her
interested in talking to you again in the future. You know that person who says, “I hate small
talk”; they are on the losing team. And they only dislike it because they are
the worst perpetrators of mind-numbing small talk—not the people like you and I who engage
in titillating small talk. Now for some conversation starter examples. Your goal in mastering small talk is to first
get any girl’s attention and keep it on you. That way you gain control of the conversation
and, subsequently, the situation. This is the best formula to get the results
that you want. And it’s an entertaining way to get to know
someone. Here are some example questions to ask a woman
you just met. It’s safe to start off with asking her name
and once you get through some of the niceties of chatting up women, you can start to ask
her some more interesting question, here are a couple of examples that will spice up any
converation. 1. What country would you most recommend that
I visit? 2. If you could change anything about your childhood
or how you were raised, what would it be? 3. Before you make a telephone call, do you ever
rehearse what you’re going to say? 4. What does your perfect day look like? 5. When did you last sing to yourself or someone? 6. If you had a superpower, what would it be? 7. Is there something that you dreamt of doing
but you haven’t yet? And why? 8. If money weren’t an issue, what would you
want to spend the rest of your life doing? Did you just try to answer some of those yourself? I did, and it was entertaining. You might be wondering what the benefits of
having a conversation like this are. And I’m glad you’re skeptical because
these types of questions keep the conversation light, but they also allow you to get to know
the girl who’s answering them. You can learn about her bad habits, her childhood,
where she’s traveled, a lot of things that can help you to steer the conversation in
any direction depending on what you ask her. There is nothing more uncomfortable than meeting
someone and then moments later they tell you their entire life story in detail. When you ask a woman a question such as the
ones above, and then she answers, it is also important that you have a response. Don’t make it like 20 questions where she
answers and you’re onto the next question. These are just conversation starters. Something to get you going. It’s like a car. A car doesn’t run without gas, and, similarly,
a conversation doesn’t start without someone initiating it and steering it. Since you’re in the driver’s seat, it’s
important to stay there. You asked the first question and she answered
and hopefully some conversation has happened after. Once you get through questioning like this,
she becomes more comfortable talking to you, being around you, and sharing with you. And this all happened in one meeting. And, from here, you can pretty much drive
the conversation in any direction. But the key thing is to remain in the driver’s
seat. And that is not to avoid her questions, but
it is always how you deflect and pivot the conversation back to her by allowing her space
to talk about herself, because everyone’s favourite topic is themselves. Alright, guys that’s all I have for you
today. Remember that you are in the driver’s seat
when you meet women. And memorize a few of those questions to have
at the ready. You never know when you might meet the perfect
woman. Don’t forget to subscribe to my channel
where you can stay up to date with my latest videos. And please don’t forget to head over to and pick up a copy of my free attraction handbook. Thanks for watching and I’ll see you next

85 thoughts on “How to Master Small Talk and Control the Conversation”

  1. Nice video Kate! I love your line, "being nervous in front of a hot woman"lol! Oh it's soooo, true. Well, kind of, it just depends!😁

  2. You have good ideas but talking is not my strong point i always freez and have a hard time around people im more active on working on things you are very right about small talk it can bore you to death if you dont get intrested within the first few senteces you are done and if the stimulation is not there im gone sorry thanks so much for your input and taking the time to do these vidios love them your the best have a great day

  3. Hi kate my name is charles my question is do women go for looks? because ive had older women say im handsome but not young women like around my age 23.

  4. Be honest if you truly care about us…i missed with my crush by being needy and too nice….But after watching videos like these i made things a bit better…Do you think if learning tricks and skills and being more confident will make her change her mind and will be mine ?

  5. I think number 8 is a good one, but if I just walk up to a girl and ask most of those I don't think it will work. Also in my experience girls with bad body language are usually just sexually frustrated and lighten up when you make them giggle. Anyway I'm gonna subscribe and get your book since its free and see what you offer. Also when starting a conversation with a new woman, how soon is to soon to turn the conversational somewhat sexual, not inappropriately sexual, but just enough to let her know I don't wanna be friends, I want you sexually. Thanks

  6. I'm sure all of your subscribers including myself love and appreciate how you reply to most if not all of the comments on your videos.
    However your channel grows everyday and I'm curious to know what you plan to do once you get, let's say 1,000 comments per video.

  7. Hii Kate!!Great work!!
    I want to ask a question about dating
    I have heard that patience works with women or while you are dating.I heard that once you date her once just call her once a week and fix another date to keep her wondering instead of sending lots of text messages.But what if she loses interest because these days they can see your last seen on WhatsApp!!Will that make her feel that she is being ignored or used??
    Please help!!Waiting for your reply!!

  8. Kate your a very pretty girl guys should always like u for u not because your hot or what u wear keep up with videos Kate they work I really injoy them thanks joe.

  9. thank you for all the amazing advice you give Kate! you truly have some words of wisdom that I will use everyday in my life.

  10. I like to walk up and meet girls, and ask them about their first pet, and his/her name, followed by asking her mothers maiden name, her social security #, the name of the street she grew up on. I find this really breaks the ice and lets me really get to know her

  11. Why can't all women be like the women I met today? She could talk the hind leg off a donkey. I didn't have to do a thing, she carried the conversation effortlessly!

    Oh and she was hot too. She volunteered that she had a partner in there though. I don't know why women feel the need to do this.

    Maybe I'm rare in that I'm a guy who genuinely enjoys conversations with women without feeling the need to ask them out?

  12. Thank you Kate! This is helpful, but I have gone up to her but the words just don't come out! How can recover this? I think that she may think I am crazy! Do you have a video that will help me get over this fear? If so can you help? Thank you!

  13. I never thought of the importance of driving the conversation before! I like that analogy because if someone is traveling with you, they often help by giving things to help guide you while driving, but you’re still in control and both going to a shared destination 🙂

  14. What about you Kate? You date often? It seems like you wouldn't have trouble getting a date, you're beautiful and I bet guys always try to take you out.

  15. thanks kate
    wow it's really free. Your videos are a really great help for me to develop attractiveness. I'm really looking forward to see my ex after no contact and apply all the techniques in your videos especially the attraction handbook. thanks a lot kate very much appreciated. God bless

  16. I just want to say your soul easy to Listen to You're So down-to-earth and have such a Gentle Spirit I appreciate what you're doing and as always be blessed I just came across to you and enjoy listening to your videos I am a single man it's hard to talk to women but I'm understand that more more thanks again Patrick Ford of Olney Illinois

  17. Yeah, hi Kate I met this amazing woman about 6 months ago and had this amazing conversation and I fell head over heals. But afterwards I felt awkward around her, because of my attraction towards her and I had to walk away. I get the feeling she didn’t like me as a person anyway, and I had to walk away. I don’t see her now, but still think about her. But I’ve since learned there is a professional reason that would have prevented us from having a relationship. Did I do right walking away?

  18. Yea Kate what's with the hazel colored eyes….any way I was to busy watching you talk I guess …better play this a couple more times….yea small talk….i bet you meet guys all the time that don't know what to say,,,,thanks for the great vids…

  19. The problem I have is this: I am not confident at all when it comes to talk to my crush, because I am afraid of messing up while talking to her, as she is the one I have feelings for. It makes me think too long about what to say next… That creates thid awkward and awful silence while chatting and makes me seem really helpless. Can you please help me out?

  20. I've been wanting to use this as an icebreaker but it sucks. XD "I'm planning a heist, what color mini cooper should i use?"

  21. one of the dating advicer, told me that when a girl look over at you(Any Girl ) ,stick on her eyes, make an eye contact and after 2 seconds smile ,if she smiles, then approach her within 5 seconds.

    Could this will helpful, kate? or not

  22. I asked a lady if you had a super power what would it be? and somehow we spent a good while talking! that actually worked we had a good time

  23. I try to make it all about her. And I'm sincere. I'm a good listener and I like to hear all about them.
    How do I overcome today initial nervousness?

  24. Gym is not the place to be social. However there are a lot of attractive girls. I am able to just get to know the name and a casually hello. How do you take small talk to the next level.

  25. I know a girl in Karate class which I like and afterwards in the lobby I saw her but didn't approach as I was in conversation with someone else. I could see her looking over (as I was the only other young adult in class) and I was going to approach but by the time the convo between me and an older student had ended, she had disappeared. I know I'll see her again but because I didn't get around to introducing myself, I just hope that next time, she won't look at me as that 'weird guy' who glanced over a few times and didn't come over and say Hi. I usually have no problem approaching so because I was occupied this time, that is why I'm worried I screwed up a chance to get to know her.

  26. Hi, do you have a Ph.D psychology? You should be teaching courses in relationships at a prestigious university. I learn so much from your every video!! I hope you are rewarded for your yeoman work. Best wishes

  27. wow I have resting bitch face hard and its so hard for women to approach me as a result. Wish It wasn't the case but you gotta deal with what you were born with. lol…

  28. Just ask her name and smile.Keep it simple and never try to be too smart.Because at that very moment she will put you in the Jerk category

  29. Kate, loving the advice. When are we going to bounce a couple of these questions off each other? btw- i live in Texas (or as we call it down here, Tejas)

  30. Couple of days ago I watched one of your videos…and I can HONESTLY see how I can apply everything you teach in a 100% genuine way…Thank You for taking the time to share. God Bless

  31. Kate, you're so well spoken and right to the point. You should write a book. 📖
    I know it would be awesome, like your looks. 😎

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