How to Make Your Ex Love You Again – Clay Andrews

How to Make Your Ex Love You Again – Clay Andrews

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Hey there, it’s Clay with
and this is Relationship Inner Game. Now in this video I want to share with you
how to make your ex love you again. Now, if you’ve gone through a breakup with
your ex, there has been a certain, let’s just say event that happened that has caused the
two of you to grow apart emotionally. And if the two of you are going to come together
again, if your ex is going to love you again, then something is going to need to change
and chances are that thing is going to be the emotional connection that brings the two
of you together. This is where what we teach really kind of
steps out of the realm that maybe a lot of the things that you may have seen online and
other areas, on other videos, on other websites, and we are going to take things to a much
deeper level than you may have heard elsewhere. And this is in the world of emotionally connecting
with other people and specifically emotionally connecting with your ex so that they will
fall in love with you again. Now when it comes to all of this, it’s very
easy to get distracted by a whole lot of inconsequential things like text messages, like a social media
behavior, like photos that people post online with, like the other person cropped off and
it’s like, Oh, who’s that arm around their shoulder and all that stuff. When it comes to all of this, the only thing
you really need to focus on is really the emotional connection you can, you can let
go of all of that other stuff can let go of the online stuff. You can let go of the text message stuff. You can let go of all of that other stuff
as long as you simply just focus on having a strong emotional connection with your ex,
that is all you need to get them to love you again. And so when it comes to the emotional connection,
we actually teach what are called advanced relational skills. And these are really interpersonal skills
that allow you to connect at a deeper level with your ex, these advanced relational skills. We go into a lot of great detail in them. So I’m just going to only be able to give
you a sort of brief overview of them in this short video, but essentially they cover a
series of topics and they allow you to dial into the situation so that you’re actually
able to understand the emotional dynamic that’s at play in any given moment between you and
your ex. They do this by allowing you to really wake
up and get present to things. Right? So you may have noticed that for example,
when you walk into a certain room or you walk into like a certain store or something, they
might have like a different kind of energy to it than maybe a different room or a different
store or a different building or something like that. And this is part of the emotional current. And if you can start to dial into this, even
at a distance, like maybe you’re texting your ex or emailing them or talking to them on
the phone or whatever, there is an emotional current there. And if you can dial into that and you can
tune into that and you can tune into what your experience is, what their experiences
and what the experience of the whole dynamic in general is. Then you can actually start to do something. Whatever dynamic might be there. So your ex may be standoffish. You can actually address that and get them
to open up. Additionally, these advanced relational skills
will allow you to have a deeper, more quality connection with your ex. And they’ll do this because you’re not just
kind of walking on eggshells holding your breath anxiously wondering what do I say next? What do I say next? How do I keep the conversation going? Oh no, they’re pulling away, what do I do? And instead you’ll be able to actually get
real about what’s actually happening or what you really want to know. Because the most important thing for you to
do is to recognize that your ex is actually another human being. And I know that you get this. I know that you’re not just like, oh, women
are objects or all men or objects or anything like that. Right? That’s, that’s really old fashioned and unless
you’re, I don’t know, like 100 years old or something, then you’re probably not thinking
that, but there’s a big difference between intellectually understanding that you know,
all women are humans, all men are humans and actually experiencing that and actually saying,
wow, I get it. You know, you have your own fears, hopes,
dreams, desires, anxieties, all of that stuff, and suddenly once you realize that they’re
having their own emotional experience, they’re having their own rich, full experience of
life the same way that you are, then you can actually develop a keen sense of curiosity
and an incredible ability to connect with them on an emotional level. The next thing, the advanced relational skills
will really help you with is really bringing yourself to interactions with your ex, in
a way that is completely transparent and vulnerable and full of integrity towards how you are
actually being. Now. Oftentimes on maybe some of these other videos
that you might’ve seen, there is this advice that says, you know, Oh, you got to like act
disinterested. You have to pretend like you don’t care. You have to be the Alpha Male, you have to
be the Alpha female, you have to, you know, be a jerk or aloof or something like that. And the problem with this is that for most
people out there, it’s an act. Now, if you naturally are that way, then that’s
great. Just go ahead and be that way. But what I want to encourage you to do is
to not act around your ex, to just be 100 percent complete open and natural and normal
and authentic and do this in a way that’s not going to drive them away. And it’s actually going to increase emotional
connection. There are a lot of ways you can do this that
will drive them away. You know, like the difference between good
vulnerability and bad vulnerability, which we’ll get into later on in a different video. But you really want to be completely open
and honest because if you’re not being who you actually are, if you’re not being yourself,
then you’re just kind of trying to force a square peg through a round hole. And, uh, that, that dynamic is not gonna work. It’s just not going to work. Even if the two of you get back together,
it’s just not going to work. It’s going to blow up and fall apart because
you’re just not being yourself. And if you can’t be yourself in relationship,
if you can’t be loved for who you are, then you’re just going to crash and burn. It’s disastrous. I’ve seen it over and over again. The next thing that advanced relational skills
will help you do, of course, is to show you actual conversation and communication patterns
that will help you to open up doorways of connection with your ex. These involve things like deepening emotional
conversations down to the emotional world of connection. You know, from surface level things where
you’re just kind of scrambling to think of things to talk about. Should I talk about this TV show? Should I talk about this thing that happened
at work? Should I talk about how terrible traffic issue
I talk about the weather or should I talk about sports? Should talk about politics and all of this,
stuff that quite frankly most of us probably don’t even give a shit about right, and it
pulls it down to the emotional level where you’re able to actually have a deep, meaningful,
rich conversation with your ex probably deeper, more meaningful and richer than any conversation
that your ex has probably had in quite a while and when you’re able to have this kind of
connection with your ex, then you’re going to outshine anyone that they might be seeing
or going to outshine any rebound relationship they might be in or you know any other person
that they might be dating or whatever. When that happens, the emotional connection
between the two of you become so strong that they will go out of their way to interact
with you. They will go out of their way to call you. They will go out of their way to meet up with
you and when that happens, it will. It is extremely likely that your ex will actually
fall in love with you again. And that my friends is how you get your ex
to fall in love with you. Again, you focus on the quality of the emotional
connection and you focus on what actually brings the two of you together, which is high
quality interactions. Okay? So if you’re watching this video on youtube,
what I’d like you to do is I’d like to head down below, click on the link that’ll take
you over to our website – and just fill out a quick short questionnaire
over there that tells me a little bit about what your relationship is like and what happened
and all of that stuff. And we’ll send you some tips, advice, and
strategies that will help you with whatever it is you’re dealing with. If you’re watching this over on our website,
modern love life, you can also find a link down below this video that will take you to
a website, another page on our website that will tell you more about how to put all of
these advanced relational skills into action so that you can actually make your ex fall
in love with you. Get back together with your ex and have a
new shot at love with the person that you love. So again, wherever you are, all that is down
below in a link in the description for this video or just right below this video on our
website anyway, once again, this has been Clay with and if you liked
this video, please go ahead and give us a thumbs up or go ahead and leave a comment
down below letting us know what types of videos you’d like to see us make in the future. Anyway, thanks again for watching and I’ll
see you next time. Take care.

29 thoughts on “How to Make Your Ex Love You Again – Clay Andrews”

  1. Thanks for checking out this video. Also check out our playlist on Advanced Relational Skills over here:

  2. I want to reach out to my ex and have an emotional connection and not expect to get back together, but I’m worry I might not get a respond back from him or be standoffish. I haven’t reached out to him and he hasn’t reached out to me. So I believe it’s best to leave it as that??

  3. she doesnt even want to talk to me. 🙁 blocking me off, just seeing my messages, vague answers. allways telling me that she's not coming back. (She listened to her coworkers that im only doing things as a friend).

    Its always me whos initiating contact..

    she's starting to see otherperople which are also her friends.

    I dont know what to do.

  4. Hi Clay, my name is Vu and i'm 20 years. I have been watched your video on youtube, and i think you can help me about my relationship with my girlfriend. Me and my girlfriend dated 2 years and 3 months, we had really good relationship together. But on October 20 i broke up with her because we miscommunication and misunderstand each other (she is english speaker and english is my second language so im still studying english) so we got alot of fight about miscommunication . She was begging and pleading, but i was really mad at her so i told her to move on. So after few days i regretted my decision and i want to come back to her. She didn't accept my apologies and gave me cold and hot shoulder (i dont know it make sense).However she say she cant come back to me and she dont want to be in the relationship with me anymore and she want all her stuff back. So i started begging and ask her for another change but she say she can't, and this is not our first breakup. So i gave her 2 days for her so she can calm down. So we texted and we had alot of fun by texting but then i find out she just ignored my texted message and went out with other guys to dinner.I was really upset and got anxiety so asked her that did you seeing someone and she keeps ignoring me. So i decided to login in to her snapchat so i can see who she talking to( i know its really bad move) and i the guy she went out with and i saw them texting really sweet to each other and have alot of heart i backed up and told her that "you were right we both need to move on", because at that point i dont really know what to do so i decided to let her go and cut off contact, so that day she told my friends to tell me that " she don't want anything from me anymore " so i decided to keep doing no contact because i think maybe have some space can help me calm down. After 10 days no contact she decided to blocked me on instagram i reached out and send her a message but she didn't answer me. So the next day i decided to ask her cousin about her.Her cousin told me that she didn't tell anyone that she have boyfriend so her cousin doesn't about that he she have boyfriend or not.but she had been went out alot lately. And her cousin told me that she dont want anything from me anymore. so did she really moved on because i broke up with her exactly 3 weeks ago. Can you give me some advice please. Sorry for my bad English, Thank you.

  5. My ex and I started dating again casually we have been physical and we aren’t like officially back together but her one night off without the kids or work she asked me to spend time with her. We ha d a great night I spent the night and everything was good. The next morning she added me on instagram so I added her back and right there on her page was a pic with her and the guy she dated in between our relationships.Caption saying something about he has a heart always and she will choose to do life with him over and over again every time . He was abusive he cheated on her and is now in jail. I’m not sure why she doesn’t know I know. My question is should I ask her about it? Like why didn’t delete that knowing I’ll see it!!! I have a fear that when he gets out she’ll go back with this loser. I don’t know what to make of the situations. Thanks

  6. I would like to get her back at some point, but in our last messages to eachother (about 3 weeks ago now), she said she needs to focus on herself and get herself back together before she can think about the potential of a relationship again. She has some medical and mental conditions, and also cares for her mother full time. Breaking up with me was one of the things she "needed to do" to reduce her stress and help with her conditions… even though the relationship was almost 100% stress free.

  7. its been three months and he knows i want to get him back but sometimes he acts standoff-ish. almost everytime we talk he mentions other girls but i dont know if he does that to show that he is moving on or whether he is testing me. he sometimes gives signs that make me think he likes me still, but he always says he doesnt have feelings for me anymore, he even said he feels more relieved after breaking up with me. i dont even think i have a chance with him anymore but i still love him very much and am already making progress to better myself. should i keep trying to pursue him?

  8. So we did the no contact for about a month, and we have had contact with eachother via text, on one day I she told me she had a treatment for her knee wich has a tumor in it. So on the day of the treatment I decided to show balls and call her, she picked up immidiatily as she was laying in bed on the phone. She was very very surprised but it was soon clear tha she was happy surprised. We had an amazing talk and I managed to make her laugh and even throw in a little flirt in with she baited and accepted. I had to go so the call wasn't too long, but after the call I wanted to show her a funny video via text to make her laugh, she reacted very cold and distant. She has a treatment every wednesday so I called her up again the next week, she didn't pick up and I texted something like 'hey I tried to call you to ask you something, I'll try again tomorrow'. Inn wich she reacted very cold and distant again but didn't say she doesn't wanna call. So the next day after school she texted me 'Hey I'm home, you can call me' so after dinner I called her and again, We had an amazing time, she sounded like she misses talking to someone like the way she can talk to me and she kept on going and going. I was actually planning on keeping it short, but she had so much to talk about. In this phone call I found out she had been dating a guy she met in school from withing a week after the breakup. I managed to find out she had sex with that guy rather quickly. I reacted very maturally and confident and she was very surprised by that. She alsmost seemed bothered that I was over her or something, becasue I really made it seem like I didn't care that much. She begun about this topic by asking if I already met someone. After she saw that I didn't care that much she said sarcasticly "and this is the moment I realised you are 100% over me" followed by a rather painful laugh. She said several times in this phone call that it really sucks that we didn't work out and she said several times that she sees all the changes I made and said with a sarcastic tone "now we broke up you do all these new things and make these changes". She also said she misses the good things and several times that she really enjoys talking with me but it isnt fair for her new guy, so its probably best to only talk on whatsapp. Later in the conversation I was like "Hey don't be surprised if I call you suddenly in the future, it's just that I put more value into calling now and it's more personal, faster and better than texting" and then she was like "yea sure! no problem". So she's being so controversal… A few days later I send her another something to laugh about and again she was cold and distant. What should I do? keep calling her every week, because I know she's attracted by my new confidence? Or should I wait and let her rebound relationship break first or something? I'm really stuck here. She's also starting to show gifts she gets from the new guy on snapchat but deletes the story rather quickly after she posted it… wich looks weird to me. It looks to me that she is confused and doesn't know what she is doing and therefore making decisions too fast. I can honestly say she is delighted to talk with me on the phone as she really blossoms when we talk. But when I text her, it's like she hates me or something. Please help me! I feel like im on the right path, but I realy wanna stay on the right path. I should also mention, We've had a realtionship for over 4 years and it was long distance. We pulled eachother trough very though times wich made our bond very special.

  9. Hi Clay, I made a BIG mistake by showing over anxious and
    too hyper, Here was the story, after she ignored me and took a business trip to
    avoided me. I called her up and she admitted "we cant be together because
    her parents think we dont fit"….huh? i've havent' even meet them. We
    dated about 2 months. She was raised from a traditional family with extreme
    rules which turned her to have a low very self esteem in relationship. 
    She’s like a puppet to her parents.  Ok, i said, respected your decision.
    But i screwed the NC rules and took my chance , emailed her daily, not to beg,
    but made up something like radio station, talks about humor, education, and
    interesting real stories. She did read and listens to  them, more than
    onces, (I have a tracking app that can see if the person opens the mail and how
    long they reads them )  Anyway, from the last email, I put the "last
    show" with all the heart melting materials and a touchable song, claim I
    will stopped the show for health reasons. She called me and cried like a baby
    that night, said wants to see me in the morning. I was really hyper and over
    anxious, even showed a little desperation while messaging each other before
    went to bed. GUESS WHAT? she messages me the next morning and said her boss
    asked her to do something very important and won't see me today…. what am i'm
    thinking …i said its ok, take care, then sent out a few stupid desperation messages
    again,  last 2 messages were from her, "i just want to check and
    worried about your health, I want give you a few more hugs too. I applied the
    NC for a few days now…from now on, I have to think cautiously straight. I have
    to show a lot of confidence do what I suppose to do, change myself, improve
    myself  and let her see my change,  I’ll email her again in a few weeks to let
    she hears my changed …As since as she doesn’t block me,  I think I still
    have the chance….what is your advice?.

  10. It’s been 2 years since he broke up with me because he didn’t love me anymore and now that we’re seeing eachother almost everyday at university he is down to meet up and talk, but he told me: “if you’re interested in getting back together, just know that I’m not”. It’s weird because whenever we see eachother I can tell he behaves very similarly to when we were dating (he doesn’t touch me/kiss me) and he teases me with the same stuff, he knows how to make me laugh, and I can tell by the looks he gives me that there’s something that still attracts him. Please help me😅

  11. I’m a little confused on what an emotional conversation looks like. I did the no contact which worked and made my ex contact me by the 20th day. I acted beyond friendly and spoke about a family get together I was at. He then retracted and didn’t really want to engage in much convo. Maybe I acted too okay ? Too happy ? Which came across fake maybe I’m not sure how to approach him next time should I be more empathetic and ask how his job is going ?? And want to know more about him ?

  12. OK man I have a serious question. I spoke with you before on here through comments. I have been on an off with my x gf two years. I ended it in August, telling her that we need to close our door an not open it again. needless to say she reached out couple times last year. while she already moved on with two guys after me…. the one she is with now just after Christmas she reach out saying Merry Christmas and asking me how to make guacamole….. petty text I know 😂 then just last week she mentioned I had some mail there at her house an if I wanted it…. now being that we been broken up 7 months an never has she mentioned mail an now all the sudden she wants to know if I need this one….. I didn't respond an just last week she got engaged….. while she was with this guy she reached out to me plenty of times…. why would she do this an what's the point? an being that she is engaged what's your input man… needing some advice.

  13. I'm skeptical. I read two books written by Clay. The book on getting your ex back and the book on self esteem. In each case, Clay seems to write his intro on who he is based on the book's content. If the book was about getting your ex back than Clay was a person whom had to fight to get his ex back. If the book was about self esteem Clay was a person with low self esteem & how he overcame it. So I ask myself who is the real Clay or is he both? I think I have been mislead by marriage counselors more then I have been by my ex so truth and honesty is utmost important to me.

  14. Today my ex told me not to give her stress as she’s working. When should I reach out again to get a emotional connection again?

  15. My ex and I are best friends,we have great chemistry…we see each other every day in college.. He tells me am all he has and he insists on being friends…I told him I want us to be together and work things out but he wants to stay friends and build into a relationship,he doesn't want us to make the same mistakes we did to begin with…. But am scared I will loss him to someone else..

  16. Hi Clay, the true litmus test, is we are not having sex anymore! That's how I know We are just friends! Platonic! Brotherly/sisterly. 🙁 It's horrible.

  17. Me and my ex started talking again, but couldn’t help it being clingy everyday she even told me she misses her which is her first baby’s father which made me act like that. Any ways another ex sent screenshots of me trying to hook up with her 2 years ago, so she cut me off completely and just told me to move on this for sure. Was wondering if I still got a chance.

  18. Clay we may have some sort 😏 of connection but the chance to go to France has come up, with a guy who makes me happy: Paris in the Spring and magnolias and pink blooms and that excites me. Not this sexless, Platonic and boring, no vulnerability, crashing and burning. All the intelligence comes from me and though I outshine him because I outsmart him, so I don't give a hoot. The sexlessness is his fault, the cheating, I give up. I'll send him a pic 😁 of Paris with the boyfriend of sweetness who got in touch and I can pretend I'm living in a Woody Allen film! Plus he owes me a bicycle he destroyed! Need more reason? Alalalala …

  19. Hey clay, thanks for all your great advice! In your opinion is it possible to continue building up trust and a deeper emotional connection if say my ex is moving 2,500 miles away for 3-6 months?
    Let me know if a brief summary on the details of our relationship and break up would help you answer that question better. Any and all advice would be greatly appreciated!

  20. It’s been just over a month, 2 weeks in she was in pain but after that she’s becomes ‘happier’. Saw her couple of days ago and said she’s completely cutting it off and that we just grew apart. I was too controlling I understand that now but we were so close. It was the last month of the relationship where she started to fall out of love. She said she grew more than me and that was a problem, she’s very focused on her future and she’s busy all the time. I don’t know if this means it’s over for good or not or if I need to grow and develop and healthy mindset like I had at the beginning. Was a 3 year relationship

  21. I want him back so bad 4th day if no contact and it's killing me I lov3 him so much but I don't think he feels the same 😥

  22. I get the idea of what you are saying, but how do you get to that? I'm not fully understanding what you mean, when trying to connect with her emotionally. Is there an example, a tip, somthing? I dont wanna stay at a surface level with her.

  23. Hi coach Clay am from Indian my gf broken up it’s been 3 months around, I followed No contact till 40 days and I went with first text to her she talked on over 2-3 text and later she started ignoring my text … then once agin I given 10-15 days space and again I reach out to her, but she not respond my text …. and finally I seen yesterday when I apologised her my mistake then I saw she blocked me on fb … what to do now ? Coach Adrienne please help me out Please

  24. Hey coach
    My ex gf broken up 3 months go … and I between no contact I realised that I lacked confidence how I talked to her, my body language was weak, unsecure nervous stressed needy or feminine l. I was not having emotional masculinity to be leader of the our relationship. And I understood I was turning her off during the relationship and turning her off since the breakup too… so please guide me. How could I now fix my relationship and how could I show that I have change… please help me out Coach she don’t wanna to talk me ever I think she is stubborn on me… please help me please

  25. Hey clay great stuff. But how do yu build an emotional connection with my ex if iam blocked and she isnt spraking to me. And we work for the same company. Thanks for any feedback.

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