How to Build Trust in Relationships

How to Build Trust in Relationships

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In this video, we’re going to talk about
how to build trust in relationships. Trust can be a controversial issue and
it’s one that I hope in this video we’re approaching with some thought and some
reflection. So, let’s get into the details. Hello there and welcome back friends. If
this is the first time that you’re tuning into Communication Coach, this
channel is here to help people that are probably like you, rising leaders,
emerging leaders in professional settings and all the videos here are to
help you improve your leadership skills so that you can help bring out the best
in the people around you. And today, we’re talking about how to build trust in
relationships. Trust is really important. When you have good positive trusting
relationships, it makes everything else easier. It’s really important to take
this concept seriously. Now I want to get a few qualifications out of the way
right away. The first one is that nobody owes you trust. They don’t, in the first
place when they meet you, you should not assume that they need to trust you in
some way because they owe it to you. That’s just not the way trust works.
Trust is earned over time and with patience and with effort. It’s not
automatic and for that reason I also want to say and just get this right out
of the way, you’re not going to learn any tricks in this video. I don’t believe
that trust is something that you should try to quickly get people to do for you
because to me there’s a warning sign there. In fact, I don’t recommend ever
saying things like you have to trust me or what’s the matter why don’t you trust
me or well you got to believe me what’s the problem here. Sometimes, it’ll come
out authentically and I get it. But you should not use those as a way to get
people to trust you because to me it sounds like manipulation. It sounds like
a way to control the situation and use guilt to get what you want.
And that’s just not the kind of leadership or even personal development
kind of advice that I would ever give to anybody. Having said all those things,
let’s get into the actual advice that I would like to give. The first is that you
have to have a good character. In other words, if you want people to trust you,
you have to be trustworthy. Good character means that you are an honest
person. You tell the truth. You’re looking out for other people’s interests, not
just your own. The famous coach John Wooden said the
truest test of a man’s character is what he does when no one is watching. So you
are who you are when no one is watching. That’s a paraphrase of that sentiment. Do
you try to get away with little things when no one’s watching? Do you gossip a little bit here and there when you think you can get away with it? Do you stretch
the truth a little bit? In fact, I want to do a gut check here in terms of your
character. Two tests for me personally that I do on myself. Two gut check test do I have good character in this situation? And the first one is, do I exaggerate to
try to get what I want? Do I make something seem a little bit
better or even a little bit worse depending upon what I’m looking for, to
get what I want? Do I exaggerate? And another gut check for me, and I’d like
you to do these gut checks for yourself, is, do I take responsibility for the
little errors and mistakes that I make? I think that’s another good indication if
something little goes wrong, do I accept responsibility that I was the one who
caused that and then I tried to fix it the best I can?
Or do I try to smooth it over and make it seem like it wasn’t my fault, point
the finger, blame. If we can’t be responsible with the small things, then
why should we expect people to trust us, especially trust us with the big things?
So character, having good trustworthy character is a number-one principle on
the road to building trust in relationships. Number two. Consistency.
People like it when they can predict other people’s behavior to some degree.
Now I’m not talking about, awe, your so predictable. You always take me to the
same restaurant every week. I’m not talking about that kind of
predictability. In other words, are you consistent in that you say you’re gonna
do something and then you follow through? Are you a reliable person so that you
show up on time when people need you there? How is your
consistency? There’s it’s a really big issue because as you develop consistency
as a habit, other people will learn that they can count on you. So let’s do a
little gut check on this. Do you show up on time when you say you’re gonna be
there? Do you make your deadlines when you commit to a deadline. I think showing up on time and deadlines are a huge indicator over your broader ability to
show consistency. those are really two important ways to gut check it.
Principle number three, authenticity. Are you relatively open about who you
are in the workplace, let’s say, with other people? I’m not saying, by
the way, that you have to tell people everything about you and all your dirty
secrets. In fact, I don’t recommend that because you have to get to know other
people around you as well you don’t want to get too personal too quickly but do
they get a sense for who you are and what you’re all about
because if we’re only in a role if we’re only playing a professional role for
example then people don’t feel like they know us. And if they don’t feel like they
know us, they’re not going to really trust us over time. People want to get to
know a well-rounded version of who we are and that requires a bit of
transparency. Another way to be open is the issue on the issue of transparency
is that when you’re in an interaction and the meeting talking to people, for
example, are you being open about what you’re trying to accomplish or you do or
do you have a lot of weird hidden agendas that are simultaneously
functioning like are you playing lots of politics to play some strategy game
in the room when you’re talking? If you do people will begin to sense that
you’ve got a few goals in mind that maybe you’re not being open with and
there’s a hidden agenda. And you want to be open and transparent about that so on two counts. You want to be open transparent as a person, relatively speaking.
And you certainly want to be open and transparent about what you’re trying to
accomplish in the moment. So that’s tip number three. Moving on to tip number
four. Be a giver, not a taker. When you go into a situation, is your first
tendency to think about how you can add value
to the people that you’re interacting with? Or, is your first tendency to try to
get something from them? That’s a little gut check. When I walk into a situation,
ask yourself this question. Do I look to give something and be a blessing to
those people or am I looking for what I get out of the situation? I know somebody, for example, and you probably know people like this too, who every time they talk
to me, I can tell they’re trying to get something from me. They want something and they’re looking for a way to get me to commit to something that benefits
them. I don’t think I’ve ever been in a situation that I can remember with this
person [where they have] looked for a way to help me and give me something, so to speak. Now, I’m not talking about material objects but it even in the friendship and what
they’re giving to the interaction. Are they trying to get something from you or they
trying to give something to you. You want to make sure you’re a giver, not a taker.
And if you follow these four principles or four tips, if you will, you will begin
to develop trust in your relationships. And on that subject, I would like to ask
you which of these four principles resonates with you the most? Which one do you think helps you move forward in your thinking and how you’re relating to
other people the most? I would love to hear your comments in that section below the video. And while we’re on this topic of building relationships, I would like
to invite you to download a free PDF resource that I have created it covers
the five essential professional [communication] skills that I believe that
all professionals should be putting into practice. They focus almost entirely on
communication and that’s completely free. I will put that in the description below
video and I’ll also pin it in the first comment in the comments section below
the video. So as you’re making your own comments below there, notice that there’s that free resource that you can download and you enter your email and then I
email you that resource. So thanks for tuning in. God bless and I will see you
in the next video.

6 thoughts on “How to Build Trust in Relationships”

  1. FREE 7 Instant Tips for Confident & Composed Public Speaking: http://www.communicationskillscoach.com/free-7-instant-tips-for-confident-speaking.html

  2. Listening to this video helped me to gauge how I develop trusting relationships. As a therapist I need to be able to develop trust and rapport well; I think I do that already, however, this video has given me "gut checks" (thanks for the term Alex), which help me to be more reflective on past interactions and proactive towards future (trust filled) relationships. Thanks again Alex, you rock sir and congratulations on hitting 10 THOUSAND FOLLOWERS!!

  3. Can you please start using the Japanese subtitles or CC? To improve on my Japanese language skills. Upcoming video.

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