How To Avoid Abusive Relationships


In any abusive relationship there has to
be someone playing the role of the aggressor and there has to be someone
playing the role of the victim You can’t have one and not the other, right? So someone that is say, an aggressor like a girl that might be want to be abusive she’s looking for a guy that’s gonna play the role of the victim Right, and she’ll do this unconsciously.
I’ve met girls like this before I’ve been on dates with them they try and sort of pick little fights and arguments with me I’m like “What?” and I wouldn’t stand for it right But other guys they would fight back and she would be like “Oh yeah, I found like, we can do this ballet, this dance together. This guy’s a good dance partner for
my little I’m the abuser or he’s the abuser…” or whatever And so you often see people, men and
women going in and out of abusive relationship after abusive relationship Now one part of it is if you learned from your parents who maybe had a sh1tty relationship Okay, I know mine did, okay, if you learned from them about relationships if their relationship is, is say sh1tty, for want of a better word that’s what you see and you’re like”Well they’re together and they supposedly love each other so your brain when it’s young it codes up like, that equals love, or that equals relationship right? And so your brain is telling you
that if I don’t have that kind of dynamic that I don’t have a proper
relationship or love. You even hear people say, oh like “All real
relationships have fights because if you don’t fight it’s not real love” and
stuff like that. It’s like, well yeah, you can have fights but not like maybe as
Extreme as what you’re trying to say, right? And so, it’s your brain is coded up
right now that may be love or relationship equals this and also what’s
interesting is because of that anything that you’ve survived in the past your
brain thinks it’s safe. Not consciously, but unconsciously because your brain is like ‘Well I know I can survive that, I’ve done that before I’ve played that game
before, I know I can get through that” and so unconsciously sometimes it’ll go out and
look for other experiences that are the same because to have a healthy
relationship a happy one you’ll sabotage yourself. You’ll go “Oh, this is too good for me, or she’s not treating me the way I’m used to being treated. She’s not
the type of girl that usually like pushes me around” or whatever, and so
you’ll unconsciously sabotage that relationship, and find yourself back in
another abusive one, alright. So how do you turn it around?
First thing, ask the right question Like “How can I turn this around?”.
Second thing is mainly your mindset so right now unconsciously you’ve got this
going on Where that’s your model of reality
that you’ve, you’ve built and obviously that’s supported by
a certain way of thinking. So firstly understand how your
psychology is creating that At least you kind of sort of have an idea
why which is a great great start okay and then when you know how your
psychology works then you can start to actually proactively go out there and
create the way that you want things to be instead and then when you do that for a period of time with practice that becomes your new default. Like, it doesn’t just necessarily happen like that all the time Some people they get to a tipping point and they’ll make a big shift like that But if you’re looking to do it manually sometimes it takes a little bit longer just to to really live yourself into that new way

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