Communication Skills Training

Communication Skills Training

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My name is Mark Walsh from Integration Training.
This is my top ten communication tips. So communication is massively important. Um,
in most jobs today we are actually paid to communicate in one way or another and all
of these apply to emails, phone, and face to face conversations and meetings. So it’s
really the essence of what of we do in work. And just in life, we are social animals, so
communication is massively important for our health, our happiness, and our well being.
So I work a lot with communication, in stress, leadership, team development, coaching, um,
conflict resolution all over the world, and here are a few general rules of thumb. None
of them are hard and fast, but these are the things that I have found that will help communication
as a general rule. Number one, listen first. Listening, um, is
massively important to communication. If you remember just one, remember this one. There
is a video we have on what is empathy if you would like to look at it some more. It is
really that intention to connect in the present moment, so really being present with the person
are with and listening to them. Number one, breath. So when a lot of people
communicate, um, particularly if it is something stressful or some difficult situation perhaps
a speech or an appraisal at work. Then, people often get tense and they forget to breath,
so they don’t come across as well as they might. So take a deep belly breath, aaahh…
Nice and slow and relaxed before you say what you need to say.
Number three, say “I.” By saying “I” you, what we call, “own the communication.” You
say “I” think this, “I” feel this, so it’s really coming from you, and that’s clear rather
than saying “one” or “it” or not being clear in that way. So, as a general rule, using
“I” statements is, is useful for ccommunication. Number four, avoid judgment, blame, and denial
of responsibility. So this is something that I’ve got from Marshall Rosenberg of nonviolent
communication. If you blame or judge people then, they don’t like it. We all do it; we
are human, and it gets in the way of effective communication.
Equally, denial of repsonsibility. People turn up for a meeting late and they’ll say,
“sorry I was late, it was traffic. It was not my fault” rather than, “okay, I was late
and the reason was I really didn’t leave enough or I didn’t check the traffic.” So, really
owning your communication, having responsibility, can help.
Number five, separate facts from opinions. The basis of a good conversation is often
the facts. We often start with the facts. Let us say you are giving an appraisal. You
can say, “John, you’ve been more than 50 minutes for the last three days.” Now that’s quite
different from jumping to an opinion or an evaluate and saying well, “you’re lazy” or,
um, “you’re sloppy.” So really connects to judgment and blame, but starting with some
clear observations that the other person can connect with as well.
Number six, be aware of emotions. So emotions, um, are key part of being human. They are
part of how of how we communicate. Often, that’s what we are communicating, is our feeling
or emotions, and emotional intelligence, is really important in the workplace.
Number seven, be aware of needs and values. So underpinning our emotions are our needs.
So, for example, I might feel happy because my need for consideration was met, or I might
feel sad or angry because my need for respect or dignity wasn’t met. The beautiful thing
about needs is that we all them. They are completely universal. If you can connect with
someone on that level, you can really see, um, how they are similar to you. It can really
help with the connection. Um, values is similarly another way of talking about it. So highly
recommend connecting to needs and values in any kind of difficult communication.
Number eight, ask for what you want. So, by asking for what you want, you are more likely
to get to get it. Sounds like common sense, and a lot of people don’t do it. Asking specific,
clear, and in the positive. So, “would you open a window now” or, rather than, “I’m hot
in here.” Yea. Or instead of, ah, “I wish you would love me more,” “would you be willing
to give me a hug.” So the specific thing that would meet your needs.
Number nine, body language. So the body is really integral to communication. Ah, we communicate
through our bodies as much through our words. If I say something without moving my face
or expressions or body, it’s much less engaging than when my body’s is really involved in
the communication. We work a lot with this area in Integration Training; something called
embodied leadership. There are videos that… And, um, let’s say for now it’s just being
aware of the body is what’s important. Not so much, ah, learning some tricks or gestures,
but just paying some attention to your body while you are communicating.
Number ten, last but not least, is taking account of the individual and cultural differences.
So, we are all different: some are extrovert, some introvert, some, ah, more thinking, more
feeling orientated. So you might talk to those people quite differently.
Similarly, with culture. Cultures are different. There are different cultural ways of communicating.
So, for example, when I’m teaching in the Netherlands, I might be much more direct than
if I’m working with Japanese people who prefer a different approach. So taking the individual
and cultural differences into account is really important.
So going through those again. The top ten. Hope I’ve communicated them to you effectively.
Number one, listen. Number two, breath.
Number three, say “I.” Number four, avoid judgement, blame, and denial
of responsibility. Number five, separate facts from opinions.
Number six, be aware of emotions. Number seven, be aware of needs and values.
Number eight, ask for what you want. Number nine, be aware of body language.
Number ten, be aware of individual and cultural differences.
So I hope these have been of some use. Um, feel free to comment. I’d love to have your
questions, to engage in dialogue about this. Ah, if you want support individually, than
coaching is available. If you would like organizational support, workshops on difficult behavior,
appraisals, or leadership than please get in touch. It’s
[email protected], www.integrationtraining.co.uk.
Thank you. Puff… So Lucy how do you think that went?
I mean we are in this communications thing and… Yea. Yea. I know. I think… You know,
you agree, you were good. It was really good. Yea, it was okay wasn’t it. It was. It went
pretty well. Well, I hope they like it. And um, yea, you know, you are looking good today
Lucy. Nice and green, and if you need water, just ask, okay? I just really, really appreciate
your help on that one. Thanks.

70 thoughts on “Communication Skills Training”

  1. @redwall2008 you're welcome, anything in particular you liked? Always good to get feedback. Feel free to like, favourite and share with friends 🙂

  2. Hi..i need your help. I'm a university student. Studying engineering. I have been through a number of times where i take a charge to be a leader among my mates. As you know, to be a leader you need to have a good communication skills..Actually, my english is very good. I have a problem that when i speak, i go so fast and jump on ideas which lower others attention to what i try to say, even if my ideas were creative & great. i'm not that good looking. Is that the reason? please help me..thx 🙂

  3. @abdullahcc1 hi, lots of people rush, it's just a habit you can change with time and attention and usually not related to looks but just the habit of rushing. Practice consciously going slower and do things which reinforce this such as meditating, unplugging for some time each day, reducing caffeine intake etc. Good luck with it

  4. this video is helpful for me as i still need to improve my communication skills,many thanks for uploading this useful video!

  5. How Am i supposed to change myself? Im a loner.. dont feel like talking.. even im with my parents or just i couldnt bring any topic… my mind always goes off to somewhere else…

  6. Excuse me, I couldn't hear the word you said at 3:39 properly.
    The beautiful thing about needs????????????????????? they are completely universal…….
    Kindly reply.

  7. This is out of context, but sort of "in" you could say as well. By the second third of the video, I, while listening, caught myself looking at you with this funny, weird look on my face, and I usually just put myself down for doing that, but for some reason, I decided to try and think of WHY I was looking at you that way, kind of spacey or a direct stare without emotion, and I realized, He's Hot…..HAHAHA I really never do that and I am not trying to flatter you at all. Thanks, I guess im human

  8. I have had trouble communicating for these two reasons, my teeth are really crooked and my eyes were too, but I recently had surgery on my eyes. I am graduating with a bachelors soon, in HCA, and I had to watch your video for school, I am wondering, how can I overlook the fact my teeth embarrass me make some of my words sound like lisps, LOL, yet, use my brain and get ahead? What do you think Integration Trainer? LOL

  9. difficult to say without talking with you in more depth. What's for sure is that we all have challenges and some great people in history have had lisps. I wish you well, and well done on your degree.

  10. Thank you for replying. You are so wise when it comes to communication. I wish you well and congrats on all you have accomplished as well! 🙂

  11. Thanks, that is true…and a bit comforting too. I need to focus on getting the basics down pat before I worry too much about how I look or sounds I think. Great video though!

  12. At the age of 59 I am realising that my efficiency skills are not what they might be. One of these skills is obviously clear communication and the ability to listen. I found your video to be very clear and concise. I was very interested as to how you finished the video-talking to the plant. As you put your points across in a way that while appealing the listener did not detract from the points you were making I am sure there was a message in the way you ended your tutorial-what was that point?

  13. My communication skills is very bad.. For chatting, it is a different story. I do communicate well. But in person.. I suck at it.

  14. Number one and two are the most difficult for me. I have this skewed belief that if I don't respond quickly, I will appear to be unknowledgeable about the subject. I need to remember that God made us with two ears and one mouth for a reason.

  15. I find this absolutely amazing. Personally, I don't consider myself too terrible with communication, but when it comes to talking to plants, I'm absolutely awful. Can't seem to get a word in edgewise.

  16. Awesome man. Thanks for your tips. It really can help! 🙂
    I love how you had a conversation with your plant. That communication went well, eh?

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  18. We just rolled out our first webinar in the Intelligent Communication Series: Personality Typing. Check it out! It's FREE! Only for the first class series…starts July 24 2013! Just copy and paste the below.
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  19. Great tips. All great communicators know how to listen and once you get listening down, you're going to be much, much better at conversing for hours.

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  21. Very good points made in your video. It is always amazing to me how slight changes in the sentence structure or tone of voice can vastly alter the message received regardless of message intended.  

    I think I can speak for every married person when I say that I would love for my spouse to watch this, especially the "ask for what you want" point ha-ha ^_^

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