Being in a relationship with someone with BPD | Kati Morton

Being in a relationship with someone with BPD | Kati Morton

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– Hey everybody. Today, we’re gonna talk about how to healthily be in a relationship with someone who has borderline
personality disorder. Before we jump into this important topic, are you new to my channel? Welcome. I release videos on
Mondays and on Thursdays all about mental health, so make sure you’re subscribed and have your notifications
turned on so you don’t miss out. Now first, as always, let’s define what borderline
personality disorder, or BPD, really is, and what it can mean for
those in relationships with someone who has it. Now, BPD is a mental illness marked by an ongoing
pattern of varying moods, self-image, and behavior. These symptoms often
result in impulsive actions and problems in relationships. Some of the symptoms I’m talking about are intense fear of rejection,
separation, or abandonment; rapid changes between
thinking someone’s perfect to believing they’re evil; risky behaviors including
unsafe sex, gambling, drug use, or accumulating
credit card debt; threats of suicide or self-harm; difficulty empathizing with other people; mood swings from euphoria to intense shame or self-criticism; and frequently losing one’s temper. People with borderline
personality disorder tend to view things in extremes
such as all good or all bad, and their opinions of other people can also change really quickly. An individual who’s
seen as a friend one day may be considered an enemy
or a traitor the next. And these shifting feelings can lead to intense and unstable relationships. I’ve often referred to those with BPD as emotional burn victims because they feel everything
in life very intensely and are sensitive to any
shifts or perceived wrongs. And I also feel it’s important to mention that BPD is called other
things in other countries and in some blogs online. Some refer to BPD as emotionally unstable personality disorder or
emotion disregulation disorder, but as far as I know and
was taught in school, borderline personality disorder is the only actual diagnosis. Even if we call it something else, it still shows the same symptoms of BPD. Also, if you want to learn
the full diagnostic criteria for BPD, you can click the
link in the description for my video all about it. Now, as I’m sure you can see, it could be really hard
to be in a relationship with someone who has BPD because they can be impulsive,
easily upset, and reactive. But there are some tools
that we can utilize to ensure a much healthier
and happier situation. And my first tool? Learn about borderline
personality disorder. How can we manage something
that we don’t even understand? We can’t. So we need to talk with our
loved one about their BPD and how they’re experiencing it. Because everyone’s gonna be different and they’ll struggle
with different symptoms more than others. So talk with them. Seek to understand, not judge. There are also two books
that I always recommend to those who are close
to someone with BPD. They are, number one, I
Hate You, Don’t Leave Me, and number two, Stop Walking on Eggshells. They’re both great for
understanding the diagnosis, but also how we can
better manage the symptoms that are hurting our relationship. And I will link those in the description if you want to click over
and buy those for yourself. Number two, trying to keep
your home life with them as calm and relaxed as possible. I know it’s not always possible,
but just doing our best because those with BPD do really well in situations that are predictable. So keeping home life as
upset-free as possible is best, and it can often mitigate any
crisis they may be feeling. Also, if they’re in crisis mode, it’s not a good time to bring up any issue you may be having with them or tell them they need to get help. Remaining calm and relaxed
until the crisis passes is best, and then you can bring up something that may be upsetting you. Number three, now if
we’re gonna talk with them about something that is upsetting us, that moves us into our next
tip, keeping it simple. Since those with BPD can
be constantly reacting out of their emotion mind, meaning not their very
logical or reasonable one, it will be hard for them to actually hear and understand what you’re saying without getting upset
and lashing back at you. They can even take simple statements and turn them into personal attacks. So instead of always fighting or feeling like we can’t every speak up, just keep it simple. by keeping our sentences
short, simple, and direct, you’ll give them a chance
to actually hear you and hopefully not react, but respond with understanding and love. Number four, creating and
upholding healthy boundaries. Those with BPD need boundaries. Setting a boundary can sometimes snap them out of their delusional thinking because they often turn one thing you did into a much larger issue or take something you said out of context and then get more angry about it. So by holding up healthy
and reasonable boundaries, you prevent them from spiraling into their black and
white thinking pattern and making things a lot worse. And in all honesty, as a clinician who works with a lot of BPD patients, it makes them feel better and it calms them down more quickly. So a little tough love and
a little boundary setting can go a long, long way. My fifth tip, calling their bluff. Surprisingly, I promise,
it’s also really helpful. But just before I get into that, creating boundaries
and calling their bluff both require that you build
up their self-esteem first, meaning we can’t enter
a relationship with them calling them on their shit and telling them that
they’re crossing a boundary. We can’t do that out of the blue. We have to let them know we care first and can see all the
wonderful traits about them. I mean, after all, there is a reason that you’re in a relationship
with them, right? Once you’ve done that, you need to learn to be
assertive, hold your ground. It’s okay to say you didn’t do what they’re claiming you did and you won’t engage in
that sort of a conversation. Or you can tell them that they’re blowing this whole thing way out of proportion. If we always give in to them when they’re engaging
in their BPD behavior, it will only make things worse. Because think about it, we’re
creating a cycle, right? If they believe that what
they’re saying is true and we react out of it,
we’re almost sabotaging it and telling them yes, I did act like this, and yes, I am a jerk. If we just hold our ground and say no, we can stop that cycle
from getting started. Also, I think it’s
really important to know that giving them control all the time doesn’t end up making them feel better or more safe or secure. It actually causes the opposite to happen. So calling them on
their misinterpretations and black and white thinking sounds crazy, but I promise you, it’s best. Number six, take their suicide or self-injury threats seriously. I know these are common
among those with BPD, and many see these threats as manipulative and done for attention,
but what you don’t know is that roughly 10% of those
with BPD die from suicide, which means that if they’re threatening to kill or harm themselves, or even if they’re just telling you they’ve been thinking
about it or planning it, we need to get some
professional help involved ASAP. Call 911 or the National Suicide Hotline. In short, recognize that
they are in deep, deep pain and express your concern while still maintaining
your healthy boundaries. Number seven, encouraging
them to seek therapy. Unlike a lot of other diagnoses, most BPD people welcome
the idea of therapy, and I believe this is
because they’re uncomfortable with how they feel and would love to find
a way to make that stop, which is why there is hope and many people with BPD do fully recover. I just want you to hear that. Many people with BPD do fully recover, so supporting them in these efforts can be great for your
lasting relationship. Now DBT has been shown to be the most effective
type of treatment. We’ve talked about that before. But if it’s not available, CBT can help, Schema therapy can help, attachment-based therapies have
been shown to work as well, and also, some medication options. The most important thing is that this treatment
is regularly scheduled and we understand that it’ll be long-term. But just as a reminder, don’t bring this up when you’re fighting or in the middle of a crisis. Wait until things are calmer and you can actually
talk with them about it in a loving and supportive way, showing that you really care and that’s why you want
them to get help and support because you want your
relationship to grow. Number eight, get outside
emotional support for you. We all need this in relationships, but especially if we’re trying to remain calm and supportive, maybe even when we don’t
really feel like doing that. Having other friends and family members that we can lean on when we
need it is really important. Make time for that as well as
some regular self-care time. This will allow you to be strong and assertive when you need to and to keep your relationship
happy and healthy. I would also encourage you to
get into therapy for yourself. This will not only be a safe place for you to get the support you need, but it allows you to talk
about your relationship without any judgment or pressure. You can get some helpful tools
for managing crises or upsets and you can also learn how to
place and uphold boundaries and how to lovingly be
assertive with them. Overall, loving someone with
BPD can be difficult at times, but it can also be really rewarding, just like any relationship. And by learning how to clearly communicate and diffuse any crisis situation should allow your relationship
to grow and thrive. This video has been brought to you by the kinions on Patreon. If you would like to support the creation of these mental health videos, click the link in the
description and check it out. And I hope these tips are helpful and give you the tools you need to strengthen that relationship. But as always, what do you think? How have you helped
your loved one with BPD? Or if you have BPD, what’s
worked in your relationships? Let me know in those comments down below and I will see you next time. Bye.

100 thoughts on “Being in a relationship with someone with BPD | Kati Morton”

  1. The "difficulty empathizing with others" part really rings true for this long term girl I knew. The sheer amount of callousness she exhibits would shock the average person.

  2. I believe I am already 15 years into a relationship of bpd. She is already diagnosed with being bipolar. Before I met her. It's really tough being a sensitive man towards her every need. I'm tired. So tires. She's blind and I work all day. I'm really tired. Idk what to do especially alcohol being involved. She goes as far as accusing me of creating a problem as to not make love to her or just simply sex. I'm so very tired.

  3. It just got worse. I done my laundry,fixed a tomato sandwich and all hell broke loose when the laundry basket fell over. Sandwich in hand. Real life fucked up situation here.

  4. It seems like trying to manage the unmanageable.
    What are your thoughts on spirituality and personal beliefs with someone who has BPD? Also, what are you tips to get help without insurance to see a therapist?
    I wish I could see you as my therapist. You are a beautiful person.

  5. Thank you for this video. I have bpd and would like to find help for my husband and family. I used to be very closed towards this idea. I viewed my illness as MINE and no one should stick their nose in my business..now that I have matured and hope to one day have a family of my own I see how important it is to help them understand and deal with this together.

  6. This past week has brought light on some delusional thinking. I've been hospitalized multiple times its embarrassing to say. I feel like everyone around me deserves more and don't need me around. I've had one suicide attempt that was almost successful and I'm going to multiple therapists. I don't know what else to do

  7. Please don't tell me I'm blowing things out of proportion. That will make me explode. Try to figure out why what you said or did has me feeling the way I do.

  8. I don't know if my daughter has this. She's not been diagnosed. But deffiently something is off. She sees a counselor but it doesn't seem to help. After one hour session he said its definitely not BPD. But she is so deceiving. Maybe narcissist. How can you diagnose in one hour. She leaves such messes and won't clean them up. She thinks everyone hates her and has terrible stories about everyone. She talks so bad about me her baby daddy said I'm nothing like what she says I am. I wanted to say, neither are you. But I didn't. I asked and ask for her to follow the rules but she just can't. She doesn't open her mail. She's afraid her baby won't love her . She says she can't love anyone who loves her back. How do we diagnose and how to handle till there is a diagnosis?

  9. Idk if this has something to do with my BPD, but i love my girlfriend alot and i cant imagine what i’d do if we break up. But for some reason she can be so annoying and irritating to me sometimes even though she didnt do anything wrong. I hate showing her affection and i sometimes purposely ignore her and even though ik im being an absolute jerk, i just cant control it. I want her to be happy and i really like her but i just treat her like garbage. Theres days where i show her affection and i hug her tight and wont let go but those days are very few compared to the ones i just mentioned.

  10. What this is >bipolar with a calm made up name and yes type 1 and type 2 and other disorders mixed with it…

  11. Hi Kati. I realised lately my partner has these symptoms. He could never leave the girls he dated. He was serious about me but was not able to decide whom does he want to marry! I broke up with him. Now am worried if he has bpd.

  12. My girlfriend has BPD. It so difficult because I try and help, I just get met with a huge fight that could last for a couple of days.

  13. What if you are a bpd loved one you are doing all of this you are aware and ready but the Bp person have a hard time communicating how and what can you do in this case?

  14. I understand BPD and frankly if it was just pure BPD it might be manageable. However, it is almost always co-morbid with something else (addiction usu. and ADHD, Depression) and that is the reason it is almost certainly futile unless they seek treatment. If you enforce boundaries they then punish you and once they realize you mean it they frequently go onto someone else.

  15. I’m date someone that have bpd and Everything very hard and sometimes don’t know what to do and to get everything better and nothing work with the person 😩😩

  16. Thank you for not demonizing people with BPD. I'm starting therapy for suspected BPD today after my marriage crumbled because of my moodswings. I'm determined to fix my brain by whatever means it takes and get my marriage back on track.

    I feel so guilty for having put my husband through all this but I finally realise that I'm the problem and I'm going to do something about it. Videos like this for the person on the receiving end of BPD attacks actually helps the aggressor (not the right term but makes the most sense) realise the hurt that this disease is causing. I feel horrible I've done this to anyone

  17. I am now dealing with the in 4th generation
    My in laws had it..my ex has it, our daughter had it, she died of suicide, her daughter has it and im dealing with her i was always the contact for all of them
    Im so exhausted

  18. Omg y’all I think I have this? I’m always calling myself crazy :/ and I find myself apologizing to my boyfriend over something really fucked up I did or said or him having to apologize to me over something very little or really over nothing sometimes. I have no idea how to go about getting a diagnosis tho since I have no insurance right now

  19. Everything she is saying is stuff my husband needs to do with me, but it cant come from me, it needs to come from a professional. I wont do it in a nice way. I havent been diagnosed but the more I know the more i feel like this is why i am me.

  20. I find it insulting when anyone fortunate enough to NOT be diagnosed with bpd tries to educate and explain a chronically misunderstood disorder, which isn’t being taken seriously enough. To someone who SUFFERS with this horrific affliction every second of every day. Bpd is incredibly complex and too make such broad spectrum generalisations of bpd is offensive, insulting and ignorant.

  21. I am dealing with someone with BPD… it's not fun. If you are watching this then most likely you are being abused by someone with BPD. They're not capable of love. Figure out how to get out of it. It's not worth losing you to help them… at the end of the day, they don't care about you as much as they care about themselves.

  22. I empathize too much because I know how terrible and intense it is to feel unwanted and I would never want someone else to feel like that.

  23. I have "traits" of BPD, so maybe I'm not fully diagnosed but that's the closest the psychiatrists have gotten.

    A lot of the advice I see around BPD doesn't relate to me. My biggest issue is with internal dysregulation. I don't unjustly project onto others, I do that onto myself. It's hard to find resources for my husband that don't give him the complete opposite idea of the disorder. My reactions to myself are swift and strong with little patience. I can go from "you've got this. You are a good human being" to "you're a terrible, no good, horrible, waste of space human being" in seconds. In my relationships? I tend to be the opposite and find myself being a doormat 99% of the time, putting up with behaviour others wouldn't dream of. I have a hard time demonizing others and very rarely view anyone but myself as "evil". I can have extreme reactions towards others as well as myself but this only manifests towards other when I'm at the absolute end of my tether and then I'm immediately placed in a guilt/fawn cycle with the other person. When I show people advice like in this video I find I'm discounted and judged even further….
    Do you know any resources I could look into around BPD that focus less on the elements of narcissism and irrationality? Something that focuses on the person's inner identity issues and led son the projection of that onto others? My BPD definitely effects my relationships, but more in the sense that I find myself getting into abusive situations frequently and being unable to disengage.

  24. WOW!!! First of all, as one diagnosed with BPD, I must THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH!!! You are RIGHT ON POINT with ALL suggestions. So for those who have loved ones with this horrid disorder, take this ANGels words to HeArt, she speaks TRUTH!!!

  25. I just recently got into a relationship with someone who has BPD. She’s so amazing but I know BPD gives her a hard time. I really appreciate some of the tips so I can ask her if these are a helpful way of going about things. Thank you Kati💕

  26. it's hard to talk to someone with BPD about there BPD, it's a mine field topic! my experience has been flat denial they even have it followed by titanic arguments!

  27. Girl suddenly felt distant, didn't talk much, didn't see in person for 3 weeks. Tells me she's antisocial and only wants to be with her bf, and that I shouldn't see her before she moves out of respect for him, even though she told me she wouldn't date me, him, nor anybody. I guess time will tell but man I feel cut out so fast. And it's her b-day tomorrow which I've been waiting for. Oof.

  28. My best friend just left me cuz I have bpd, she said I lied to her and manipulated her. She says I was a drama queen and manipulated her..

  29. Setting Boundaries, easier said then done in this case unfortunately. If it's bad, setting boundaries with a bad BPD are like pouring acid on a 2nd degree burn. If you're with an intellectually superior to you BPD who doesn't have self awareness, you're in a situation where your own mental health is at risk. If it's overwhelming and you have medical coverage that covers therapy, GET IT!

  30. i was worried that this would be ‘how to keep yourself safe in a relationship because we can be manipulative and dangerous’ but i was so pleasantly surprised that it was more ‘how to have a healthy relationship and keep us safe because we need sensitivity and understanding’, so thank you

  31. I’m curious about everyone’s opinion about borderline as a diagnosis? Is it actually a personality disorder, or more of a trauma response? Are we just pathologizing the victim?

  32. I have been searching for a comment I thought was in this video… maybe it’s not. But it was the sweetest comment a man made who is in a relationship with someone who has BPD. He said something along the lines of… if you can try to interpret things like “I hate you because of what you have done and I knew I made a mistake trusting you” into “I am hurting so deeply from something I have interpreted as betrayal” … it was the best advice for any person who really loved someone in this position. As she mentions… no person with a certain disorder has all the traits and not all manifest the same. Someone times we are in love with incredible people who have been through major childhood and relationship trauma that have unfortunately acquired this from those experiences. There is hope. Change is not easy but most things worth doing are hard… and some BPD are worth fighting for.

  33. This has been the most enlightening video for me. I can see how my behavior has added to the explosiveness to my relationship. you give some great tools and I'm going to buy both f those books right now lol

  34. Who is "them", or "they"? I watched this expecting some helpful tips. But you are just an outsider with a YouTube opinion. "Do this so THEY don't do that." That part about being calm and not scaring them like its a fire drill They need boundaries. lololololol

  35. Im on the autism spectrum and my partner has bpd. He was just recently diagnosed and we've always related in so many ways so now we know it's because we're both not neurotypical 😅😅

  36. I came here after I ended my friendship with someone who has BPD after one year.
    I went through hell lately and recover from a burnout. That friend was never interested in me and what I went through, when I was always there for her.
    I gave my best and was understanding and supporting all the time…but sorry, I can't anymore. I need to care for my mental health. I constantly walked on egg shells and yet she blocked me every now and then, and came back to me, when she needed someone to talk.
    People with BPD will hate or attack me now, but after this experience I don't know why I should do that to myself.
    Where is the value in this kind of relationship?
    How can a person only give, give and give only?
    Unfortunately, an empath like me attracts a lot NPD and BPD, so I stay alone.

  37. People with BPD should not be in relationships. They must all be put on an island and leave to stay there. Only way to stop them hurting others.

  38. Pretty accurate for the most part. As someone with BPD and have a toxic relationship. I hate almost every form of therapy, adoption therapy, art therapy, DBT therapy, etc. I avoid medication at all cost but my thoughts haven't changed I just don't show it as much anymore and I'm thinking about trying medication

  39. Thank you!!! Hearing that BPD’ S can fully recover is what I needed to hear! I was starting to give up on the idea I would ever be free fro. It!! It’s mental anguish! Thank you! 😊

  40. I'm sorry, but being in a relationship with someone who has BPD is very difficult for me & I cannot handle it that I have no choice but to terminate the relationship…. It's sad for both me & the person who has BPD, but I feel it's the only way.

    I encountered a former friend of mine who has BPD: We met in college, I was an undergrad back then & he was a graduate student working on his PhD. He was a great guy! Cute too! Knowledgeable in his subjects & most of all, he's very kind to others whom he interacted. When I first met him, I did not know he has BPD. We became friends & kept in touch for ~4 years added each other on social media & met in person from time to time at school. One day, I saw he was working on his thesis project & that's where I saw his behavior changed to dramatically negative. He's always gloomy & I witnessed he lashed out at certain people around him. I thought it was just standard stress so I went up to him & interacted with him. When he see me, he suddenly became kind again. I thought I was motivating him. Then, that's where later on, I saw he started to acted weird around me & I starting to feel creep out from it. I begin to notice it looks like he's been stalking me or something, which I never seen him do that in the past 3 years when I see him. His negative behavior became so repetitive that it frightened me. That's where I decided to ghost him from social media. It took him a couple of weeks to recognized me avoiding him. He came up to me, I saw a lot of emotions in his eyes & he tries to calmly apologized about his actions. I forgave him but I'm still frightened at him. That's where I decided to have no choice to report him to the university's Title IX office. The Title IX workers did met up with him & get his side of the story. I was later reported about that from the Title IX workers that he got diagnosed with BPD & is seeking therapy for his treatment, in the meantime he agreed with the Title IX workers to never see me again.

    Of course, I never wanted this for both myself & for him. My former friend was a great guy. It just sad to learned that he has this condition & I am powerless to do anything about it to help him. Combined with that his BPD condition scares me more than my compassion towards helping him as a friend. I myself have to seek therapy about this matter too.

  41. You can't possibly be expected to build the self esteem of someone with BPD.  In fact, that's unhealthy.  Its not your responsibility and it reflects poor boundaries.   Calling their bluff would be a disaster as well.  That just sets them off even worse.  You cant use rational thinking and logic with an irrational person.   Encouraging them to get therapy?    They don't see themselves as having a problem.  If they DO start, they often stop before it gets very far.    I feel like this video misses the mark.

  42. Thank you for this video. I realized after watching your BPD video that I met a lot of the symptoms, and am now going to be reaching out for some help. Watching this video I realized how much I respond the way you said someone wit BPD would respond in both the positive way when my SO responds that way and in the negative when he responds that way. Thank you for opening my eye to this so I can seek out professional help.

  43. Sorry for saying this but life is to short to choose to be in a relationship with a bpd person. If its your blood family, support them. If its your significant other, run as fast as you can.

  44. One like myself can overtalk and sat things very wrong. But I'm great. I want to be an advocate but it's hard to many. I got it.

  45. I've single handedly ruined every relationship or friendship I've ever had. I truly hope to one day find someone to help me thru this that is willing to implement some structure that I've been unable to ever create myself.

  46. Id like to share my story of the day and would like to hear some comments, if this is common behaviour for someone with bpd or is it something else .
    Im mom of 2 (1 or 3), my husband had problems in a past (drinking, gambling- its a lot better now). We are together 4years.
    ehm, so I came home from town and my husband asked me as a first question.
    Could you give me money for weed and tabacoo ?
    I just went to town to pick up money from his mom, she sent it to us, because he had a problem to find a job for 2 and half months.
    I was like, sorry , we need these money for food and daipers (what was true).
    And then he started to be angry.
    Said few insults, fuck face for example (dont remember everything, I tried to record it, but accidently deleted then, bad )..
    then our dog started to shake.
    then I started to shake..
    went to toilet and tried to breathe.
    I have to also say, that our one year old was just playing when he was using that bad language on me.
    very bad to see it.
    then he said dont talk to me.
    he was refusing to tell me if I asked something about new jobs letter on.
    he said I destroyed his day.
    I dont know how many times I had a weekend influenced by his extreme mood swings.
    I tried to calm down, but felt stress so much.
    Went to pick up older one and then he came to playground and said…
    Oh hey my son..Im happy you wanna see me, that you are not like mommy. She doesnt wanna see me.
    He loves to say..now mommy hates daddy..they have to listen to it..
    then he left to the store and of course he took money from the wallet, doesnt matter that we re all just surviving, kids included.
    weed and cigarrettes priority.
    then he came back and told me that he fall asleep with our one year old and had sleep paralysis…that when I came home (he was in a kitchen sofa sitting ), he didnt know what was he doing..
    actually nothing happened.
    he didnt even say sorry.
    There is nothing to excuse his behaviour.
    Maybe he would say sorry later on, but tomorrow will probably happen something very similar.
    What is it ???

  47. I have bpd, and recently went through some tough things in a 2 year relationship. My gf cheated on me and lied because I was depressed and not showing affection and just draining her of her happiness. She's all I have so I try to work things out, but at the same time I'm hurt and don't know what to do.

  48. 7:46 I was in a relationship with a person with BPD for 2 and a half years and I believe this is one of the most important things anyone could learn from this video. I can remember all the times I felt like I needed someome to vent out everything that was going on with my life while I was in that relationship, saddly I didn't have anyone.

  49. I have BPD. I used to date a girl who had the habit to dessapear for periods of time and since it was a long distance relationship I went literally crazy. I could leave her like 40 missed calls, cut myself because I didnt know where she was or what she was doing. So I asked for boundaries. When could I actually call her or ask for attention, maybe a schedule or something, a time of the day to talk, She said I had no right to ask her for anything, so I broke the relationship and Im single since.

  50. I like your vibe and I can tell you want to help with this video, but you literally said a good book to read is "Stop Walking On Eggshells" and then directly described HOW TO WALK ON EGGSHELLS! It's all about what you can do for them, but how carefully you have to talk about your own feelings. You have to wait until they are calm and ready, use simple terms, don't talk about your feelings until they are ready. My question is, when is it okay for the partner of someone with BPD to have a fit and be treated so carefully? How is it fair to have to be this careful with someone else in a relationship, but there's nothing said about how they need to be careful right back with you. What isn't said enough here is that the person with someone with BPD matters too!!!

  51. I'm also sure everyone with BPD is SO HAPPY to hear you say how seriously their threats of self harm should be taken! Now they can show this video to everyone and whenever they want, cry suicide and get their fucking way! BPD is arrested emotional development at the age of 2! When my kids were 2 and had temper tantrums, I didn't walk on eggshells and baby them! That would have made it worse! I IGNORED them unless they were actually hurting themselves or someone else, hence, they didn't keep having tantrums. They still would be if I babied them during their tantrums. They'd use that all the time to get their way! So how does it make sense to treat an adult with the emotions of a fucking 2 year old, having a tantrum, so carefully?

  52. Wow! I have BPD and this is very impressive. I’ve had issues with friendships. I have never had a friend who does these things but if someone did, it would work so well with me. Especially calling out the false things I believe. Because I never know when I’m believing something that’s true or a lie. I’m gonna suggest these things to the people who are close to me.

  53. I hate that ppl have to adapt to my behavior. I dont want that.. Im taking whatever my psychotherapist and psychiatrist are recommending.

  54. unless the person has been in theraphy for YEARS, is self aware enough to reveal that they have BPD by the time the relationship gets serious by their words and not their actions… just fucking get away from them. the reason this people aren't in a relationship is coz people who were around them in the past burned out trying to accomodate their bullshit. not coz u r the first special snowflake who ever tried to love them.

  55. my girlfriend broke up with me cuz she think shes a burden to me with her BPD ,emotional detachment disorder and anxiety but shes still has that sensation of attachement toward me
    does that mean she still love me ?
    Ps: I was very nice calm loving and supportive toward her

  56. I'm starting to get better with BPD, so I know it really can get better. Some tips I have are to have the courage to tell people what's bothering you before you get angry. Be really clear and honest in what you say. Take time to think about the best way to communicate. Always be honest, but never be brutally honest, especially in your relationship. Brutal honesty is for people who want to be single. I realized that a lot of arguments I've had with my husband are really misunderstandings, on both our parts. This sounds fake, but eat healthy. None of this magically fixes everything, but its a slow healing. Also, if you've had a BPD episode with someone, they really do start to lose trust in you, so when your healing, try rebuilding the trust together. Its going to take a while.

  57. My brother in law has this. It's hell being around him. He's destined to be alone. We just leave him alone. We have told him to get help. He doesn't want it.

  58. I struggle with BPD and I've done my best to educate folks and it still hurtful when they leave. It's been a horrible life of being alone. Nobody understands.

  59. I have split up so many times.
    She even says we aren't in a relationship and in the next breath loves being with me and wants to make a go of it

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